"David Letterperson's Top Ten Reasons the Pope Is Better Off With Parkinson's
Than I Am"
1. When the Pope says, "Why me, Lord?" he gets an answer.
2. Since he wears robes, he doesn't have to fumble with his
zipper when he needs to pee.
3. Driving or travelling is not an obstacle since the Pope-Mobile
and Vatican-Force-One are always at his disposal
4. Medical coverage is not a worry due to the Catholic church's
savings account(s).
5. Slow body movements are interpreted as "deliberate" and
"solemn"
6. Trembling extremities are easily hidden by long flowing clothing
7. Sleeping doesn't pose a problem since he can buy the best bed
around and get people to "flip him like a pancake" during the night.
8. Since he has complete control over his itinerary, he can explore
the effectiveness of fava beans without social ramifications.
9. Bobbing head movements can be seen as deep understanding
of any given topic.
10. Long robes hide daily choice of footwear (Air-Jordans or flip-flops)
