From: GROVE::SAMICHNY "SHARON MICHNY-FOUNDATION FOR IUP-103 SUTTON-X3186" 25-OCT-1996 13:32:30.82
To: WENDY_HENRY, BEVERLY_PHILIPPI, PAT_MCDOWELL, ALSIPPI, KOBER, TRINKS, DPLD, GGBF, GAIL_PATTERSON, ANN_OBERDORF, JPROUSE, JPZGPWA, COLLEEN_BALL
CC: IN%"[log in to unmask]", IN%"[log in to unmask]",SAMICHNY
Subj: just for laughs
From: IN%"[log in to unmask]" "Lorraine N. Day" 25-OCT-1996 10:45:16.15
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Subj: Friday Funny #2
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Date: Fri, 25 Oct 1996 09:23:52 -0500 (CDT)
From: "Lorraine N. Day" <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: Friday Funny #2
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SUBJ: More Sigs
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
43% of all statistics are useless
Write all complaints legibly in this space -> []
The bugs will go away when you turn off the computer!
Help: It said 'Insert disk no.3', but only two will fit
Shh! Be vewy, vewy qwiewet! I'm hunting wuntime ewwors
Optimist: A YUGO owner
I'm not paranoid! Which one of my enemies told you that?
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
WYTYSYDG - What You Thought You Saw You Didn't Get
Thesaurus: Ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
Change is inevitable... except from a vending machine.
If at first you don't succeed, call the author
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere!
I've got a...uh...uh...Oh yeah -- a photographic memory!
"Press SPACEBAR once to quit or twice to save changes..."
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
The cost of feathers has risen... Now even down is up!
Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
IBM isn't really that bad. In fact, they only have two problems:
Their hardware and their software.
[Editor's Note: At Microsoft, it's only their software. ;-) </vs>]
Every titanic has its iceberg.
"The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used
to be."
-- Paul Valery
%SYSTEM-W-TMNYFNGRS, too many fingers on keyboard
%SYSTEM-W-MONDYMRNG, monday morning
%SYSTEM-F-GETACLUE, user doesn't know what he's doing
The hen is the egg's way of making another egg
"No keyboard; press F1 to continue"
Learning French is trivial: the word for horse is cheval, and
everything else follows in the same way.
-- Alan J. Perlis
"Marriage is probably the main cause of divorce."
-- Frank Burns
Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I asked myself,
"Where the h*ll is my roof?"
"If English was good enough for Jesus Christ, then it's good enough
for me."
-- Arkansas congressman to Joint National Committee on Language
[Editor's Note: Those Arkansas politicians are so *gosh darned*
SMART.... </vs>]
"Press button to test..." ::CLICK:: "Release to detonate."
Never trust a computer you can't lift.
-- Stan Masor
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SUBJ: Right-Wing Commentary, College-Student Style
One of my favorite [bumper stickers] was "I ACCELERATE for liberals."
I was going to put it on my front bumper if I ever got hold of one.
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SUBJ: View From The Left
Another similarity is that Rush Limbaugh and Barney are both purple
-- or would be if someone had the good sense to wrap some piano wire
around Rush's neck.
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SUBJ: Realism
Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be
disappointed.
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SUBJ: Putting It Into Perspective
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
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SUBJ: Romance vs. Reality
Love is blind, but lust is in full focus.
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SUBJ: Free Counseling, c/o the U.S. Government
Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A.
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SUBJ: Deep Thoughts
Excerpted from "Confusion Says: The Collected Sayings, Musings,
Thoughts And Nonsense of a Modern, Paranoid, Schizophrenic,
Introverted Yahoo. Also Known As Gerry," by Gerry Harris
I am proud to say I am a self made man.
I just wish I had read the instructions more carefully.
If movies use sound effects to seem more real,
why doesn't reality have more sound effects?
I doubt therefore I might be.
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SUBJ: Mixing Cliches
Excerpted from the Mensa Bulletin
A fool and his money are a girl's best friend.
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SUBJ: Morality
If electricity is produced by electrons,
Is morality produced by morons?
========================[ H U M O U R N E T ]=======================
SUBJ: Bumper Stickers We'd Like to See
EARTH FIRST! We'll strip-mine the other planets later.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
We have enough youth--how about a fountain of SMART?
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
If you are psychic--think "HONK."
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SUBJ: Another Perspective
Lord, Grant me the
Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can, and
Wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill because
they p*ssed me off.
