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Dick, Your message brought back vivid memories of last year, which was my last year teaching also. I experienced the same frustrating symptoms you did, right down the line. There were times when I was "off" and had to get an emergency substitute while I sat in the clinic and waited to turn on again. The only symptom I didn't have was a tremor, which meant that my disabilit was probably not as noticeable as yours. I could sometimes wing it when I was off by having a student take over routine tasks for me. Still it was difficult. I once told my neurologist I wasn't depressed but would probably become depressed when I had to quit my job and stop driving. I'm still driving, but I have no regrets about my retirement. I have a number of activities that keep me occupied, and which I can do without being on display in front of a classroom. One of them is grading papers for a friend who sews for me in return. Together we give in-service workshops: I write the script and she does most of the presenting. I'm beginning some home tutoring today, and have started a group of other retired teachers who meet once a month for breakfast. In addition, I'm doing some free-lance writing and plan to start a book when time permits. And, oh yes, I have a new grandchild for whom I baby sit sometimes, I'm on the board of the local APDA chapter and have just been asked to lead our support group of young-onset Parkinsonians. Sometimes I feel busier now than when I was working. The difference is I'm choosing the things I enjoy doing. While I keep in touch with my teacher friends, our relationship isn't quite the same because they don't have time for much socializing and I'm not as concerned with school problems as I used to be. Instead, I see my at-home friends more often, get together with one friend with grandkids, too; walk with a former neighbor in the morning; and "do lunch" probably more often than I should. One difference I've noticed is that my non-working friends are much more relaxed and have time to spend. Yesterday I turned off while at a breakfast at Shoney's. I had a doctor's appointment, but couldn't function well enough to drive to his office. Two of my new-found friends helped me out: one drove me and my car home and the other followed to drive her back to her car. They stayed a few minutes to make sure I'd be okay. The one who drove said she broke her leg last winter and people were so helpful to her she vowed to help others in need, too. I was really touched that they took the time to help. I don't miss the constantly rushed feeling I had at work, and so far I haven't felt the drop in income too drastically. Another thing I found was that practically everyone I know is jealous of me - not because I have pd but because it enabled me to retire early. I found that many wished they could do the same because of the many problems in education today. I had seen the handwriting on the wall (to use your phrase) for years, and had trained several promising student teachers. When I left, I felt I was leaving the classroom in good hands, and I could relax and enjoy my retirement. I realize that men don't often form the sort of support groups that we women do, but you should be able to dig up some kindred souls to have breakfast with, exercise with, or just socialize with. Your state teachers' retirement association offers an opportunity to lobby for legislation that will benefit you and your colleagues. Volunteer work is another outlet, if you're so inclined. There are plenty of people with math anxiety who could use an experienced teacher's help. You won't have to look too far to find experiences that appeal to you. The opportunities are there. You just have to take advantage of them and decide what you can realistically accomplish. I know I have to have a degree of flexibility to accommodate my "off" times, when I'm no longer able to do much of anything. You probably have to do the same. I don't mean to sound Pollyanna-ish, but I am finding that retirement is more pleasant and less traumatic than I expected. I haven't talked to anyone who regrets having retired, but know several unhappy people who are "hanging in there" just to pay for something they've already bought and will probably wear out soon. It's not worth it. Good luck with your retirement and let me know how you're doing. Pat Schark pine`