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Bill... when I saw your original message, I thought two things: 1. He's SO full of what has happened to HIM, that even tho all of us have shared bits 'n pieces - and whole lifetimes of ourselves in this forum, he appears not to even have noticed that. He DEMANDS we turn ALL our respective AND collective thoughts and energies to HIM and his needs. 2. You came to us as a stranger, and you asked for monetary contributions from US so you could realize YOUR dream. Mind you, it appeared to be a relatively new-found dream, and you didn't say how you'd physically manage, with PD, to do what you desired to do, given the great physical demands your dream would place upon you. You had no "game plan," other then you wanted to do something and you expected US to fund you. You've asked for our opinions and/or validation of YOUR life situation? How can WE have opinions on YOUR life? You're the one who's living it. Most everyone in this forum speaks from where they themselves are coming from with this burden we each independantly carry. Advice is freely shared based upon what we as individuals have gone thru. Apparently no one here felt a relationship.. a kinship... to what you had stated and what you'd asked for in your original message, or, knowing THIS opinionated bunch, they certainly would have responded. Truthfully, I didn't respond because I felt no sense of comradship or empathy to you then, and don't feel any now. And also truthfully, we ALL have things in our lives which we've messed up and are sorry that they happened, however, we don't go proudly waving those things in the faces of strangers demanding they respond to them in some manner. THAT is just plain rude and very self-centered, I believe. None here told you that you SHOULDN'T dream your dreams, Bill, but in this case, I'd say "actions speak louder than words," because by not responding, it's very apparent that no one here is about to donate money to a stranger, based solely upon the fact that he happens to claim to have the same disease they suffer from. It's your dream, Bill, and funding it is YOUR responsibility. As a matter of fact, Bill, MANY of our members struggle along on welfare... living hand-to-mouth every day. Many are retired and all available monies they have goes into buying just enough Sinemet or other drugs to make their life a bit more bearable. Why would we give YOU money... you whom we don't know at all, when we DO have an association - often of several years standing - with a number of THESE idividuals? After all... aren't THEIR dearms of equal value to your own? Tell ya what Bill, IF I was going to up and send any money to ANYONE on this list, it'd be to Ivan Suzman, who, God bless him, is younger than you, sicker than you, seemingly more kindly and thoughtful than you, and his home burned to the ground over 3 months ago, with everything in . THAT'S who I'd send money to - tho I bet Ivan would die of embarassment before asking any of us for one dime. Finally, Bill...you've twice asked for our opinions and a response. Otherwise I'd not have said one word to you or this group about what I thought of you. Ordinarily, it's not my habit to publicly bash someone (errrrrrr... with one recent exception) <Mexican yam cream, anyone> (grin) online. And this was NOT said as a debatable OR a rebuttable opinion. This IS how I PERSONALLY see you and your situation. If you attempt to debate my personal opinions, I will not respond, because I've said all I have to say on this matter, and want no further thing to do with your life and how it's run. Disclaimer: I am stating my own opinions and am not representing this group or it's members in any way (I can't believe I just wrote that!) Barb Mallut [log in to unmask] ---------- From: PARKINSN: Parkinson's Disease - Information Exchange Network on behalf of Bill Harrington Sent: Friday, November 15, 1996 10:38 PM To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN Subject: My experience with Pallidotomy First, I need to get something off my chest. I joined this group with realistic expectations of contributing. Perhaps i was too verbose, perhaps too brutally honest in describing what has happened to me. I wasn't bragging or whining (or didnt intend to. So many things I've asked the group''s opimion. For example exx periences of those having palllidotomies, one side or both. My dream of a cross country spr speaking tour to raise fuun funds and awareness. I asked g oops) for honest opinions and got deafening silence. Yet we all seem ready tto dip into our own pockets and shuffle around mumbling to ourselves till we croak!! I got this god-damned disease before I was thirty. I had everything great wife and kids, house great job, money, friends. 10 years later, I am waiting for divorce, I'm virtually bankrupt, living on HELLFARE (not a typo) After 4 suicide attempts, turning 40 in a psyche ward, I am struggling every day to prove I don't belong in an institution.. You know whose to blame. Not PD Not doctors, or my wife. ME. I'm to blame. Parkinson's is a horrible diseased, but right from the start i've done everything wrong. THAT's one of the main things I would tell people. The other thing I can do is say, yes I've lost a lot of things, but look what I've found. With the help of a wonderful brave and talented womam (with PD) and her equally generous and kind husband, I've found a place for God within my life that he has spared many times. I've discovered a joy in writing poetry (for myself) that others seem to enjoy. My friend and I put together an exhibit of her art and my writing and is has beem succesful beyond our wildest dreams. We will sooon be publishing a portfolio of our work to be followwed by a book. There is nothing we pd'rs cant do! But my responses from this group so far don't confirm that , with the exceeption of one wonderful lady in toronto, (Hi Lynda). I'm sorry, if I've offended anyone, a writer writes in my case till he drops. I do have some thoughts and questions about my own pallidotomy, I will share in the future... Bill