Ida K. You sound (an odd word to use in this silent medium) like such a terrific woman! From reading your posts, I've come thoroughly enjoy the way your mind works... Warmly... Barb Mallut [log in to unmask] ---------- From: PARKINSN: Parkinson's Disease - Information Exchange Network on behalf of Ida Kamphuis Sent: Tuesday, November 19, 1996 3:29 PM To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN Subject: Tears, emotion, depression. Tears, emotion,depression, This message too will not give an all clarifying answer. The most impor- tant questions where : what makes tears coming so easily in PD patients and what causes the lack of control some Pd's have on them. Do the easy coming tears tell us we are depressive and if so does is this a symptom of Parkinson itself or a med side effect or is it psychic. I write this not to come with eternal truths. Maybe it can make some people formulate their own thoughts. The way I have viewed these things for myself is most similar to the view Mark Hardy has. This means I saw my tears as psychic e.g. a reaction on the tough problems I had to face. It was not a depression but sorrow, not a symptom of any disease nor a side effect of any med. I know that depression as one of the symptoms of Parkinson exist and it is possibly the most ne- glected symptom. But I cosidered myself always as not having this symptom. People who take part in writing to this list are the ones in which depr. as a symptom is seen much less than in an unselected group of PD's.because having a depression means not having much initiative. In the writings of caretakers we see more of it. A caretaker complaining of negativism may have a depressive patient. The difference between being sorrowfull as a psychic reaction and being depressed as caused by some neurotransmitter who hasn't the adequate amount is that the latter tends to make it impossible to enjoy anything. It means living is something one has to drag oneself through. Nothing is done with pleasure. A Dutch writer who suffers periods of severe depression wrote: it is a period in which even the fresh green grass is black. It is this aspect which can make makes life for caretakers so difficult. Everyone who gives care needs feeling the cared one realy appreciates what she\he is doing. Nobody with a full blown depression is able to give that feeling. This is not the whole story .A reaction to a severe loss can give the same symptoms as a "real" depression. A depression caused by parkinson as one of the symptoms is possibly something else as another depression . In fact we don't know much of this for sure. I tell things as I experienced it I was full of sorrow for a time after I got the diagnosis PD. But the colour of the grass did not turn black. During some time,however I really could not be interested in anything else. Looking tv. I only saw people moving normal, sitting down and getting up again. It was not far from a depression. My reaction was dramatic because Parkinson started verry dramatic. During summer holidays 1984 I had climbed to a top(not a very high one ,but it was a top) in the Alps with my husband and children and two months after that I could hardly walk at all. It was soon clear I had to give up my work. The prospects in 1984 were worse than they are now. I never stopped to feel responsible for the children who were 10 and 12 years old. Having a mother with an incurable and limiting disease is far less damaging than having a depressed mother. So if not for my own sake it was for their sake I had to learn to cope, and for the time being protect them. In their presence I tried to let them not feel all my despair. I did not lie to them, but the same story can be told in much different ways. The other side was I needed to talk much about it without being inhibited by having to keep control. People asking me in presence of the children how are you and what can you expect, didn't make things easy for me. It was from the beginning impossible to hide my Parkinson. I was sometimes able to see humor in the absurd situations I met. For instance somebody who saw me on the street walking said: I bet you have been skiing,I remember you told once you never would learn that.I told her the reason of my disturbed walking and she felt quite embarrassed. Whenever I was asked: how are you I found myself in a puzzling situation. Did they really want to hear. Didn't I toke them to much by surprise. It seemed impossible to say nothing and as impossible to say it halfway as: I am fine, I only have Par- kinson. In the mail of last week some of you (Mary Sheehan, Rick Barret, Ernie Peters) refered to the same situations as being difficult. I felt myself emotional unstable in them too, not in control. I experienced that aspect ,the crying, not so much as the heart of the problem as you did. And Mark Hardy did it neither. So the thought of needing anti-depressives never crossed my mind. Being only able to guess in these matters it makes sense that anyone who makes a different guess tries anti-depr.meds. Besides this the difference puzzles me. Honnestly the thought forced upon me it is a cultural difference, something as another appreciation of the darker sides of life. As a student I lived in the north of the Netherlands. When anybody in that area is asked "how are you" and all is perfekt, he answers " 'tkon minder" "it could be worse". How would an answer like that be appreciated in the US? If you all are going to try, I guess I was wrong with my cultural difference,if not,the question remains open. Ida Kamphuis Holland