(with apologies to those who think there's too much off-topic humour on the
list --- don't read further!)
----------------------------------------------------
I copied this from today's HUMOR list digest - I was feeling depressed and
they really cheered me up!
I hope they will brighten your day.
Date: Fri, 22 Nov 1996 14:23:39 -0500
From: Sue Sevin <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: This is News? <Headlines, not off.>
>STUPID HEADLINES PRINTED BY THE PRESS:
>
>- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
>- Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
>- Stud Tires Out
>- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
>- British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
>- Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
>- Eye Drops off Shelf
>- Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
>- Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
>- Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
>- Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
>- Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
>- Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
>- Miners Refuse to Work after Death
>- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant-
>- Stolen Painting Found by Tree
>- Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
>- Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
>- Drunken Drivers Paid $1000
>- `84 War Dims Hope for Peace
>- If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
>- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
>- Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
>- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
>- Deer Kill 17,000
>- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
>- Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
>- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
>- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
>- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
>- Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
>- Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
>- British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
>- Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
>- Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
>- Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
>- New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
>- Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
>- Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
>- Air Head Fired
>- Steals Clock, Faces Time
>- Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
>- Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
>- Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
>- Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
>- Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
>- Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
>- Include your Children when Baking Cookies
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