Jim H.
Ohh GAWD!! I don't know whether to laugh or cry!! <rueful grin>
Barb Mallut
[log in to unmask]
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From: PARKINSN: Parkinson's Disease - Information Exchange Network on behalf
of Jim Hyland
Sent: Monday, November 25, 1996 11:53 AM
To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
Subject: hospital cost-cutting measures
Posted on a local hospital bulletin board in St. Petersburg, Florida.
************ M E M O R A N D M ************
DATE: November 1, 1996
TO: All Hospital Nursing Staff
FROM: Administrations/Groundskeeping
SUBJECT: New Cost-Cutting Measures
Effective January 1, 1997, this hospital will no longer provide security.
Each
charge nurse will be issued a 38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition.
An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the Pharmacy. In addition to
routine
nursing duties, charge nurses will patrol the hospital grounds on a rotating
schedule. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the parking
areas. In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, I.C. will assume
the security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for
watching the cardiac and security monitors, as well as continuing previous
secretarial duties.
Food services will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to
let their families know to bring something, or make arrangements with Subway,
Dominoes, etc. before meal times. Coin-operated telephone will be available
in
patient rooms for this purpose, as well as for other calls patients may wish
to
make.
Housekeeping and Physical Therapy will be combined. Mops will be issued to
ambulatory patients, thus providing range-of-motion exercise, as well as a
clean environment. Families and ambulatory patients may also sign up to
clean
non-ambulatory patient rooms for special discounts from their final bills.
Time cards will be provided.
As you can see on the "From" line above, Administration is assuming
Groundskeeping duties. If an administrator cannot be reached calling his/her
office, it is suggested you walk outside and listen for the sound of a
lawnmower, weed eater, etc..
Engineering is being eliminated. The hospital has subscribed to the Time Life
"How To..." series of do-it-yourself maintenance books. These books can be
checked out from Administration/Groundskeeping and a tool box will be standard
equipment for all nursing floors. We will be receiving these books at the
rate
of one volume every other month. We already have the volume on Basic Wiring,
but if a non-electrical problem occurs, please try to handle it as best you
can
until the appropriate volume arrives.
Cutbacks in Phlebotomy staff will be accommodated by performing blood-related
tests only on patients who are already bleeding.
Physicians will be informed that they may order no more than two X-rays per
patient per day. This is due to the turn-around time required by Eckerd Photo
Lab. Two prints will be provided for the price of one, and physicians are
being advised to clip coupons from the Sunday newspaper if they need extra
prints. Eckerds will honor competitor's coupons for one-hour processing in
emergency situations, so if you come across any coupons, please clip and send
them to the E.D.
In light of this past summer's extremely hot temperatures, we have asked the
electric company to install individual meters in each patient's room, office,
etc. so that electrical consumption can be monitored and appropriately billed.
Also, fans will now be available for sale in the hospital gift shop.
In addition to the current recycling programs, bins for the collection of
unused fruit and bread will soon be provided on each floor. Families,
patients
and the few remaining employees are encouraged to contribute discarded produce
to these bins. The resulting moldy compost will be utilized by Pharmacy for
nosocomial production of antibiotics. These antibiotics will be available for
purchase through the hospital Pharmacy and will, coincidentally, soon be the
only antibiotics listed on the formulary.
Your cooperation is appreciated.
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TRW Spacecraft Operations East
14320 Sullyfield Circle
Chantilly VA 22021
(703) 802-1863
