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Thank you all for the wonderful jokes, poems, critique of the Declaration of Independence, sources of humor on the Net, etc. which I am looking forward to sharing with my friend, Linda. Linda was diagnosed with ALS 5 years ago at the age of 45. She was always a wonderful storyteller and always had a new joke to share. When she learned she had ALS, I told her that I would be in charge of finding things to make her laugh because I had read that laughter causes an increase in white blood cells, which helps fight disease. Linda is now paralyzed and can move only her eyes. She communicates by eye blinks using a chart but she is still the most caring and considerate person I know. She has a wonderful sense of humor and when she hears a really funny joke, she can somehow manage a grin and a giggle. Bless you all for taking the time to send your jokes. My husband commented on what a good mood I was in last night and I told him it was because I was giggling all day. Please continue to send funny items my way and if I hear a good one in my travels through the world of humor on the internet, I'll be sure to post it on this list so all your white blood cells will increase. One last bit of humor and then I promise to go away. This was in today's "San Jose Mercury News". It was written by Lauri Hart. "Top 11 Ways to Keep Thanksgiving Dinner from Your House" 11. Tell them you've become a strict vegetarian and can't tolerate turkey at your house (only works if your family is full of turkey traditionalists). 10. Complain about the rodent problem you've been having. 9. Make sure everyone knows about the Spam stuffing you have planned for the turkey. 8. Inform them you want a peaceful family gathering this year, so no children will be allowed. 7. Charge them $30 per person, drinks extra. 6. Assure them that the horrible smell in the guest room will be gone before they get there. 5. Send each family a complex recipe from Gourmet magazine and say it's there assigned dish to bring for dinner; no substitutions, please. 4. Let everyone know how much you're looking forward to showing off your vacation videos from the past two years. 3. Announce that this year's theme is Scandinavian and dinner will consist of lutefisk, marinated herring and rutabaga latkes, accompanied by all the Kirsch you can drink. (This only works if your family is not Scandinavian.) Alternatively, try a Scottish menu with haggis, making sure you discribe how haggis is made. (Trust me there is a cuisine to revolt everyone if you try hard enough.) 2. If you have kids, pick your favorite contagious disease (lice, ringworm, pink eye, measles) and tell the family you're pretty sure the kids won't be contagious. 1. Inform them that the bathroom remodel is taking longer than expected, but you're adding an extra port-a-potty for the holidays. With many thanks, Mary Sheehan ( [log in to unmask]) Northern California - as opposed to Southern California which is a totally different state (of mind)