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George Lussier wrote: > > Many of us see ourselves as very dependant or totally non-dependant on physicians and other health care professionals. But many of us find it difficult, nay, impossible to talk in a constructive fashion with these people who may hold one of the keys to our future. How many of us have not spoken honestly with the HCP because we didn't do what they had suggested previously or because we didn't want to hurt THEIR feelings. IF you have a moment some time would you send me your excuse[s] for not being honest. George: Your thoughts on communicating with a health care professional (HCP) were so concise and helpful. I wish someone had given me your instructions years ago instead of having to learn by experience and by reading women's magazine articles on visiting doctors. I find it much easier today to be straight forward with HCP's than I did several years ago. I suspect this has to do with age (sniff! I'm 37. I know, stop whining) and experience. When I was younger I rarely saw a doctor except for the occassional physical. A few years after marriage I found myself having more doctors appointments and being referred to an infertility specialist. That was my first ongoing experience with HCP's. I would have to say that my lack of knowledge really inhibited me. My defense was to read, read, read on every procedure that was suggested and on the topic of infertility. Now I'm an outdated textbook (that was long before GIFT, ZIFT, etc.) because science has done so much for infertility patients. I also was intimidated because of my youth (early twenties at the time) and my emotional state. Having a complex medical issue is so utterly overwhelming that at times just coping with the emotional aspect of what a patient is going through can cloud judgement, disable function, and in general turn one into a basket case - and I'm told that I'm not especially emotional. I found that the grief, denial, anger, etc. was a real handicap and wish we could have afforded to see a counselor at the same time to help me work through the information and life change issues that come along with a chronic illness. Today, thanks to my prior experience, I am able to confidently advocate for my two medically fragile children. I implement the suggestions you've suggested and only get "stuck" when charting unfamiliar territory which is the case sometimes with my daughter diagnosed with Tuberous Sclerosis, a rare genetic disease. Then I ask for help and information from all all corners (friends, various specialists, school personel, etc.) Our daughter's social worker gave my husband and I golden advice. On important doctors visits, especially when going taking our daughter to a new specialist, or when a change is occurring and a new treatment or course of action may be suggested, we should go together. Nothing is quite the same as hearing information first hand. We can support each other. One may hear part of what the doctor says and get lost in thought while the other one catches the rest, etc. AND no one has the burden of conveying information and answering questions. That can be really taxing even when not in a crisis situation. I remember the allergist telling me that my older child when she was four years old would benefit from immunotherapy (allergy shots) only to come home and find out that my husband had a bias against them. I had to answer all of his questions, justify the doctors position, etc. and felt that I was under attack rather than feeling his support and working toward making a decision together. This wouldn't have happened if we'd been there together. Social workers can be so smart. Anyway, these are my thoughts. I look forward to hearing from others. Donna Gaithersburg, MD, USA