This from a friend on another list. Intended to tickle your funny bone.
Jeff
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Subject: SCH Joke List: If this Happened this will happen
If Ida Lupino married George Wendt, then divorced him to marry Ted
Danson, divorced him to mary Alan Alda, then divorced him to marry Ted
Knight, and divorced him to marry Shelly Long, she'd be Ida Wendt Danson Alda
Knight Long.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing, she'd be Whoopi Cushing.
If Swoozie Kurtz married Patrick Swayze, she'd be Swoosie Swayze.
If Flip Wilson married Les Aucoin, he'd be Flip Aucoin.
If Barbara Hershey married John Candy, divorced him to marry Roseanne
Barr, she'd be Barbara Hershey Candy Barr.
If Julie Emry married Jeff Gillooly, divorced him to marry Darlene
Hooley, then divorced her to marry Wes Cooley, she'd be Julie Gillooly
Hooley Cooley.
If Ivana Trump married Neil Diamond, divorced him to marry Jack
Nicklaus, then divorced him to marry John Darling, she'd be Ivana Diamond
Nicklaus Darling.
If Julie London married Beau Bridges, divorced him and married composer
Manuel de Falla, then married Hugh Downs, she'd be Julie London Bridges
Falla Downs.
If Darryl Strawberry married Sally Field, and they never divorced, he'd
be Darryl Stawberry Field forever.
If Ali McGraw married Muhammad Ali, divorced him to marry folk singer
Hoyt Axton, divorced him to marry basketball player World B. Free, she'd
be Ali Ali Axton Free.
If Aretha Franklin married Buddy Holly, she'd be Aretha Holly.
If Ellen Barkin married Alan Arkin, they'd be Ellen and Alan
Barkin-Arkin.
If Whoopi Goldberg married Sandra Dee, divorced her and married Scooby
Doo, she'd be Whoopi Dee Doo.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married
Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Snoop Doggy Dogg married Winnie the Pooh, he'd be Snoop Doggy Dogg
Pooh.
How about a baseball marrige? If Boog Powell married Felipe Alou, he'd
be Boog Alou.
If G. Gordon Liddy married Boutros-Boutros Ghali, then divorced him to
marry Kenny G., he'd be G. Ghali G.
Nog (Quark's brother on "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") has no other name,
so he uses it twice when getting a marriage license. If he married
Howard Hughes, then Pamela Dare, he'd be Nog Nog Hughes Dare.
If Shirley Jones married Tom Ewell, then Johnny Rotten, then Nathan
Hale, she'd be Shirley Ewell Rotten Hale.
If Jack Handy ("SNL" writer) married Andy Capp, then married Jack Paar,
then moved on to Stephen King, he'd be Jack Handy Capp Paar King.
If Javier Lopez married Keiko the whale, and Edith Piaf married Rose Tu
the elephant, they would be Javier Keiko and Edith Tu.
If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar
(of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener
(mathematician), she would then be Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
If Woody Allen married Natalie Wood, divorced her and married Gregory
Peck, divorced him and married Ben Hur, he'd be Woody Wood Peck Hur.
Finally,
If Dolly Parton married Tommy Smothers, then went even further back in
show business and married Mr. Lucky, then divorced and married Martin
Short, then divorced and married football kicker Ray Guy, we could all
nod understandingly when we heard, "Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky Short
Guy."
