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To all my "friends" on the list- > > Hope this brightens your day!!! > > 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck... > How to live in a world that's politically correct? > His workers no longer would answer to "Elves," > "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. > And labor conditions at the north pole > Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul. > Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, > Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. > And equal employment had made it quite clear > That Santa had better not use just reindeer. > So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, > Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! > The runners had been removed from his sleigh; > The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. > And people had started to call for the cops > When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. > Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened. > His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened." > And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, > Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose. > And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, > Demanding millions in over-due compensation. > So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, > Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life, > Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, > Demanding from now on her title was Ms. > And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion > That making a choice could cause so much commotion. > Nothing of leather, nothing of fur, > Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. > Nothing that might be construed to pollute. > Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot. > Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. > Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. > Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. > Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific. > No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth. > Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. > And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, > Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. > For they raised the hackles of those psychological > Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. > No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; > Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt. > Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe; > And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. > So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; > He just could not figure out what to do next. > He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, > But you've got to be careful with that word today. > His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; > Nothing fully acceptable was to be found. > Something special was needed, a gift that he might > Give to all without angering the left or the right. > A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, > Each group of people, every religion; > Every ethnicity, every hue, > Everyone, everywhere...even you. > So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... > "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth." > >