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Hello, elizabeth leslie You wrote: <<<Hello Margie and others I'm a bit worried that I might be in/on the wrong List here - that these comments may be strictly between carers and not for the tender eyes/ears of PWP. But here goes anyway. On Fri, 10 Jan 1997, you wrote: > my first response was grief for the loss of my vision of our future > together - and had you asked me prior to the> diagnosis, I couldn't > even have told you that I had such a vision. And the grieving process, > as I said, goes on from there. I think that's one thing that PWOP > (people without Parkinson's) can never understand. Since my diagnosis last August I have struggled with my emotional reaction to the point it becamea cleear to me that it IS a grieving process, and the only way I could describe it is in terms off (ito) 'grieving for the future'. Only you refine that nicely by speeaeking ito loss of the 'vision' of a future. What was difficult until I put in your terms was grppling with the absurdity of grieving for something that I'd never had, something that is 'lost' before it has happened. But, like you, I never had a strong vision for the future (hope/s? yes) so it would have seemed somehow fraudulent to grieve for such a vision. But I DID somehow imagine i had a 'future'. > Another point I'd like to make, to see if other caregivers have noticed > it, is that until the disease is really advanced, other people don't see the > limitations it imposes, and can't imagine how limited or changed our lives > are because of it. There are so many little, unexpected things that Dick > can't do, or do well (or at a reasonable speed) that PWOP (I made that up, I > think, but I kinda like it) don't see. Anyway, I think that also results in > a feeling of isolation and aloneness with the disease when interactions with > friends and relatives end up resulting in yet another realization that no one > truly understands what it's like living with this disease except other PWP > and their immediate caregivers. Family members who don't live in the home > may think they understand, but they don't. Here I want to try and project into this stream some reciognition, awareness, of how the very real problems you raise impact upon those of us who live alone, none of whose family members, no matter how much they care and think they u/s, live in the same home so clearly they do not, cannot see those little and unexpected things, therefore do not/cnnot u/s. (My daughter WAS with me yesterday in time to see howdifficult the simple task of applyiny sunscreen to my right arm and shoulder now is - my left hand simply could not/would not 'go' - and I did wonder if she thought I might be faking it!) I would have to say that ALL my interactions with friends/relatives end up as you say. This is a feeling of aloneness and isolation like no other i've ever encountered - and i think i'm pretty much known for being something of a loner, which is to say, someone who is not afraid of her own company and has not needed to fill all the empty spaces in my life with others simply to avoid 'being al-one'. But now I'm constantly frustrated that no one else will 'get alongside me' and read anything. My daughter has begun to nibble at the occasional email from this list that i print out, and I think begins to u/s that she doess not u/s. So that's a start. But for me this list is where it is ALL at ... for the moment at leeast. Thanks if you've read this far. I think we probably all need/take a specific role in this new 'life' (hah!) we've been dished. Mine seems to be to wave a banner (with my still good arm) for lone-PWPs. It's not that I want to say to those with carers 'Yes but it's harder for us' but that I"d like to broaden awareness of what I see as a largely unacknowledged dimension of this disease that has its place in a still broader pattern of social change in which more and more people choose to live in single-person households (and many do so not really by choice, of course). Andwe DO see from time to time on this list instances of lack of awareness of problems attributable to this dimension. Beth Leslie>>>>>>>>> Having written this, I doubt that you actually read all of your own words again, but it might be of value to you to attempt to analyze your self which is "projected" from what you say. ito using abbreviations, the grieving process, gp, is the kernel/core of depression. and probably anxiety is another label that fits the "grieving for the future that was un-cognitive or un-expresed verbally, but is the sub- or un- conscious expectation of one's ultimate destiny. All these word-symbols mean something. but i am trying to speak to you in terms that you understand in the same cense that i experience/know/feel/believe them to convey "their meaning". ito your listening filters, my intentions/meanings are not heard/felt/seen/understoood validly --- unless we have sympatico cogito. Often, this cognition resonance is enhanced by non-verbal feedback. Face-to-face eyeball-to-eyeball contact is fraught with it's own mis-perceptions/mis-readings/ mal-cognitions et cetera --- such that the constraint of simple text in the not-so-simple-"English" language is conducive to opening our selves to the reader in revelations that we seldom chance in conversing with our intimate friends and family members. ... even our self. the cathartic opening of our shell - writing ito deepest beliefs and feelings (deepest = least exposed or considered -- this is the unknown self that the ancient Greek advice "know thyself" is relevant to - this kernel of psychology). Of course, the pause to look about what must i do to survive this realization of mortality and termination of life as we knew it (care-free for some, happy-go-lucky for some, a drag for some, sharing involvement in adult mode for some, ...). Your words: <<<I think we probably all need/take a specific role in this new 'life' (hah!) we've been dished.>>>>> lead me to say: "Eureka, you found your self angry about the "dish"! You looked into your shell and found your self - alone - while being not alone -> some one of this list's many adult, caring, understanding, expressed the same "sympatico cogito" that you were feeling! It helped. I am pleased that you have spoken your piece to the group. There is need to take a role in this new 'life' -- you have been "re-born" -- you chose to express your self and to reach out -- to say how it is to "be alone". The realization continues if you continue to seek to understand and to care to be understood -- and understanding of the struggle of each individual -- as the struggle of all of us -- is a step along the path of be-ing truly human - id est, caring for self and neighbor et al - the whole load of living "glorious accident" as the PBS series labeled it in the 8-hour program. ito hope, hth - Hope this helped (those who read it). -- ron 1936, dz PD 1984 Ridgecrest, California Ronald F. Vetter <[log in to unmask]> http://www.ridgecrest.ca.us/~rfvetter