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Barbara,you being my favorite writer I had to read bellow.... Barbara Mallut wrote: > > Camilla..... > > You commented: " Facing PD daily--alone--is an act of such courage" > > In my opinion, facing PD alone... as in the case with we singles having the > disease ... is NOT an "act of courage." It's just "life." The COURAGE part > enters into the picture with what we DO with our respective lives while we go > through the course of our day-to-day existence. > > Just because we're single doesn't mean we're FURTHER handicapped, as tho > "being single" itself was ANOTHER disease on top of the PD which we're forced > to live with. Ain't so! It doesn't take any particular act of "courage" to > live one's life as a single person. In fact, all things considered, Camilla, > SOME might think that it takes LOTS more "courage" to be MARRIED <grinning> or > in a couples relationship than it does to be single! > > Being single doesn't mean we wakeup each day confronted by some terrible > bogeyman named "SINGLE, "who's just waiting to pounce on us and hound us > throughout the rest of our day. And being single with PD is the same. IF I'm > conscious about the PD, almost always it's ONLY the PD-related that I think > about. And every once in a while the two... having PD and being single.. > converge just as having PD and other things that happen in my life do upon > occasion. > > Being single is generally NOT simply some terrible "accident" that just > "happened" to those of us who are single. > > BECOMING single for me was MY "act of courage." It was a CONSCIOUS CHOICE > fourteen years ago, after a twenty year marriage to a man who'd ill-treated me > emotionally, while at the same time committed such acts, for monetary gain, > that earned him a spot on TV's "60 Minutes," PLUS an arrest, while having > three nervous breakdowns during the ten year time span in which these events > took place (I cannot believe I've encapsulated all those sad years and awful > events into a few brief sentences...) <staring blankly at monitor for a few > moments in reflection>. > > Being single was a welcome RELIEF to me. The struggle to support my then > young teenaged daughters with no alimony or child support was a relief > compared to being wealthy and married as I'd been. Permitting myself to > FINALLY grow up and mature was a relief. And rediscovering that I was an > attractive and desirable woman who was capable of loving anew and BEING loved > in return was also a relief... and a joy. > > Above all, recognizing that I liked and trusted most men DESPITE what I'd been > thru at the hands of ONE man, was my "act of courage above all others." In my > years as a single woman, I've come to understand and treasure the fact that > men in general are "just people" like myself, facing the same things in life > that I face - whether good or ill - and that only the man I was married to was > the anomaly. > > Finally, being single, in middle age, is not my choice any longer. Being > single and desiring to be married or part of a couple WHILE having Parkinson's > (or any chronic disease) IS perhaps an act of courage, because one faces > rejection, BUT... let's face it.... even THEN it's not the intrinsic core of > ones self... our "heart" that is being rejected, it's only... ONLY the disease > that is. > > I might take it personally if what I liked best about myself was rejected > outright.... but the PD? Rejected? Well HELL... I reject it TOO (like IT > cares?) <rueful smile>, so how can I fault another for doing so? > > Barb Mallut > "Lil_Honey" on the PD Chat > [log in to unmask] > > ---------- > From: PARKINSN: Parkinson's Disease - Information Exchange Network on behalf > of Camilla Flintermann > Sent: Saturday, January 11, 1997 6:55 AM > To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN > Subject: Re: a strange thing response > > To Margie, Beth, and other single PWPs--your comments are, of course, right > on target....while we who are CGs protest that out kids(adult ones, too) don't > really get the picture, we at least are not "al-one". If family/friends are > strongly into a level of denial , as seems the case with Marling's son at > times, we can at least have some hope of educating them gradually, and we > can speak for the PWP if advocacy is needed. > One thing I've done as Cg for Peter lately was to write a page of notes about > " > where he is" at this point --activities of daily living, meds, the works. I > was pretty frank---and I sent it to our two adult daughters(who live here) > and his 2 brothers who are at a distance. I included them because when they > call and ask how are you, he always says, "fine"! I've noticed since then > that there seems to a little more awareness of reality on the part of all > of them. P. was OK with my doing this, and he has now been more honest with > them, too--so I guess it helped. Maybe the al-one PWPs could consider > something like this--at intervals-- to help the "Significant Others" in their > lives be more connected? > Facing PD daily--alone--is an act of such courage: we see it in the man > in our support group here who made the NH video. A big hug to all of you! > Camilla Flintermann,CG for Peter,78/7,Oxford,OH > [log in to unmask] As always you don't beat around the bushes(I hope it is rigth) Barbara. We say here,Barbara you are barbarous(incredible) girl... :-) -- +----| Joao Paulo de Carvalho |------ + | [log in to unmask] | +--------| Salvador-Bahia-Brazil |------+