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Dennis G.... Thank YOU, Dennis, for your exquisite sense of timing in posting your "THIS IS WAR" message. I needed something like that message to give myself the impetus to bite the bullet and bring up the issue of what PD really is and what it really is LIKE to my employer, Microsoft, where I'm employed as a private contractor (making me NOT an actual employee) on contract to manage the "Chronic Disease & Disorders Forum," on MSN (The Microsoft Network) When I sent in my job proposal to MSN about 2 years ago, I clearly stated I was a DOS user (a type operating system) and had never used a Windows operating system before. MSN is a Windows based system, and I assured them I could learn it in a timely manner. I did so. I also told them in that proposal that I lived with Parkinson's Disease and while it was tough, it hadn't beat me yet. I was hired for the job, and have worked online out of my home since Sept. 1, 1995. I've not alluded to my having PD in staff chats or posts, as it was immaterial to doing my job or interacting with my fellow forum managers. HOWEVER, in my MSN Staff Profile, I stated I've had Parkinson's for 21 years. And, last November, when I attended a forum manager's conference at Microsoft headquarters, I made no bones about having PD. But... since I don't particularly look like I'm suffering from any kind of a disease, (OYE! They should see me right NOW - before my initial daily dose of Sinemet!) <grin>, most just looked at me and said the usual, "You don't LOOK sick." <sighing> (You know where that sigh came from, don't ya, m'friends...) Which brings me to NOW (yes.... there IS a point to all this) <smile>. MSN has done a 360 degree turnaround, and is NOW fazing out their Windows based system and has replaced it with an HTML/UNIX based system, with the brunt of the HTML coding to be done by US... their forum managers, after MSN provided each of us with a plain vanilla, bare bones, excruciatingly DULL forum skeleton with which to build on. We were given four 2 hour online classes in HTML programming, and it was quickly apparent to me that I would be unable to keep up with the rest of the already highly techie-oriented forum managers, as 1. I'm not technologically inclined at ALL and must force-feed anything even REMOTELY techie into my unwilling brain, and 2. HTML coding requires very extensive use of the mouse, with unlimited finger, hand and arm movement.. and THAT is absolutely beyond me. I DID do each assignment after class, at my own pace taking three times as long as everyone else... BUT I DID 'EM! The upshot is that I feel I could do ok... not great, but ok..... in HTML , with tons of practice. My DragonDictate (voice-to-text program) ain't gonna do any HTML coding, and I'm just learning how to use IT. I already work a 10 hour average workday 7 days a week in order to do what my peers do in 5 days and 5 to 7 hours per day, 'cause the PD slows me down so.... (slow typing and mouse-work, resting frequently, etc.). But I'm proud of being able to have kept up with the best of them from the git-go! Till now, that is... The added work with the mouse is killing me (and yes, I've tried every available alternative). Just picture YOUR most frustrating moments using a mouse or the 'puter, and multiply that by 7 days a week, 10 hours a day. Awful, huh? I end up spending hours doing what my peers do in minutes, with all my concentration going into making that damn mouse work with my clumsy fingers rather then expending the energy on the actual PROJECT. In the process, I'd actually FORGET the project due to the intense concentration with the mouse. It's eating at me that I can't win this one battle 'cause it's so darn important that SOMEHOW the HTML gets done. I simply cannot do any more work without seriously injuring my health. I've already lost a lot of sleep 'cause of this &%$#@ problem. Bottom line... it absolutely GALLS me to feel cornered like this. SO... I can spend $65 an our on a programmer (and can't) OR appeal to my peers to aid me on a regular basis, as needed. They're nice people, and I honestly DO know they would help, and gladly. But still...... Sharing with them WHY I'm so in need of their help is such a humbling feeling.. and yet, I know it must be done and NOW. I just have to up and say "I have Parkinson's Disease, and no longer have the delicate and refined finger movements needed for continuous, detailed, daily use of the mouse... as needed for HTML. All the rest of the work, I can, will do, and LOVE doing. But with HTML, I really need your help..." So THANKS for the verbal kick in the derrière, Dennis. And thanks to those of you who took the time to read this oh-so-long message. This has been bottled up since that November 6 to 9th Forum Manager's Conference, and had become like a raw wound within me. I REALLY needed to get this out to someone who understands what's like to live with PD... and will now FINALLY act on it. WHEW! I feel better already..... I think <smile> Barb Mallut "Lil_Honey" on the PD Chat [log in to unmask] ---------- From: PARKINSN: Parkinson's Disease - Information Exchange Network on behalf of Dennis Greene Sent: Tuesday, January 07, 1997 10:15 PM To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN Subject: Re: Beth Leslie's reply to Happy Birthday Beth, This is WAR!!! You wrote in part: ---------- > I'm finding simple things like shopping and paying my bills more and = more > embarrassing. I feel such a goon when I can't put away my change; when > my left hand refuses to release the goods when it - and I! - arrive at > the checkout; when things just won't go into the silly bags I'm sometim= es > left to stuff them into; and when staff give me 'that' look that is > somewhere amongst impatience/exasperation/frustration/pity. Beth. PD is your problem, Bad manners is theirs!!!!! If you really need to take the offensive try "I have Parkinsons Disease, Sorry if my disability has inconvenienced you." It usually gets you the = moral high ground. Better yet is knowing that if you are the biggest problem they are going = to face today they are really very lucky. This lets you look at them with a sweet= smile. That really throws them. >But let's just say I'm feelin' it. And I don't like it. Question: What can't get its words out, and shakes with more than rage? Answer: A parkie with attitude! Beth it is all I can do to get my own head in the right place, but at lea= st that is a battle I can win. I was recently invited to speak on PD to the stud= ents at my local TAFE college. My address coincided with a meeting of the principals of all the SE district campuses. These senior educators fille= d the 10+ disabled parking bays thoughtfully provided by the college. Have you ever= tried finding parking in a TAFE parking lot at 10 am. My point is that as a rule society is happy to provide facilities to the = disabled AS LONG AS WE DON'T INCONVENIENCE ANYONE TO MUCH. Its going to take a long time to change society so we better get a grip of ourselve= s first. Hell, I'm no inconvenience, I'm a chance for a non parkie to shine. Go get 'em!! Dennis Dennis Greene [log in to unmask]