I've been reading the mail for several months now, after being diagnosed in
May '96, at age 62, (with symptoms for preceding year or more) and I've
learned so much from so many of you.
So far, my difficulties are mild by comparison to what many of you must deal
with, and my medications (Eldepryl and Sinemet CR 50/200) have been of
considerable help so, while I am not in denial nor depression, I have not made
my P.D. known to anyone but my wife--not even my children and grandchildren.
This is probably less my pride than my sense of shame, which troubles me.
What am I ashamed of ? A mutant gene, an exposure to hazardous substances,
dying brain cells, ...?
Have lost most of my sense of smell (noticed that peeling a fresh tangerine
which might as well have been a pea pod). My face, which hasn't expressed
much most of my mid-life, is now Quixotic, to say the least, but with effort,
I can still create a grimace that will pass for a wry smile. My voice, which
was never resonant, is losing volume. Right side rigidity inhibits most
favorite physical activities, but I can still walk and with conscious effort
can swing my right arm almost normally. So, you see, no one knows...
I tell myself there is no reason to cause them needless worry, they can't
help me, and I don't want sympathy or pity from anyone, although eventually
they will all know, of course. What I think I will need, when the time comes,
is their tolerance and understanding, maybe even empathy, but before they have
a need to know ?
I would appreciate hearing from any listserv members who have struggled with
this issue, and to know how, when and why they have resolved to disclose or
not to disclose.
God Bless us, everyone
Jack Peckenpaugh
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