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Una, Of course you're not selfish for wanting more independence and the freedom to enjoy a work-free holiday. Those are just normal reactions to a very difficult situation. As someone who has been both a primary caregiver (for my mother) and a PWP, I understand what you are going through from both sides of the problem. The way I see it is that your mom is totally stressed out and needs to vent. It's important for her to be able to do that, but difficult for you because she should be appreciating all you do for her, not complaining. If you can possibly stand it, let her complain to you. Think of other things while she's complaining, say an occasional "Umm!" and I'll bet she never notices that you're off somewhere planning your spring wardrobe in your mind. Could your mother find a support group of caretakers to talk to, or could she try to start one? Might she be experiencing a slight depression or could she have some physical problem that's contributing to her negativity? Perhaps a physical checkup would be in order. Would it be possible to hire someone to come in on a once a week basis to give your mom a day off or could you and your sisters pay for a caretaker to come in for a week and have your mom join you somewhere warm and sunny (like the South of France) for a vacation with "just the girls". Last of all you have to deal with your "Irish Guilt" ( which makes "Jewish guilt" seem like a romp in the park). My advice : just do the best you can at the time and try not to agonize over your decisions. Guilt is a totally nonproductive emotion. I know. I've been there, done that. Last of all, if things get tough, email me directly when you need to let off steam. I'd be happy to listen and offer motherly advice. (you're the same age as my middle son). Hang in there. Mary Sheehan