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At 07:18 AM 1/28/97 -0500, you wrote: >I am Irish and living in France and my father is 67 and has been a PD >sufferer for more than 15 years now. I would like to just relate a little of >my experiences with my parents. As I don't live in Ireland I am often racked >with guilt for not being able to contribute more. I have one older sister >living in Dublin and often the strain of being the only one at home falls on >her. Una You are not a selfish daughter because if you are so are we. On Jan. 20, we moved our Mom to a retirement home 250 miles from her home (my oldest lives there and she works in a hospital) She is 90 years old, forgets a lot but in fairly good shape - not as adept as she once was. She fell in Oct. 96, and broke her wrist. She fell off her bed twice that we know since and we had become too worried to leave her alone anymore. We, the sisters, agreed on the move but one of the brothers, disagreed. Mom was agreeable so we made the plans for her to go. My nephew who is a nurse said that older people should go to these homes while they are still functional not after. My mom is spending our heritage money but we breathe easier now as she is well taken care of - all meals included, medication supervised, bingo, activies, church, etc. Will it work? Ok as of now. We will visit and call each other often. Not easy to do but... Is this a solution to you problems? Fleurette >I realise that every day must be a living hell for my father but I think >that he can do a lot more than other PD sufferers, he can get out of bed, >dress by himself, make his own breakfast (my mother is a teacher and not yet >retired) etc although it takes time and he is particularly stiff in the >morning, as he is late at night. Life is also difficult for my mother, who >has always been extremely independent and used to doing her own thing. Now >she finds herself being completely responsible for my father and this is not >easy for her. So far, we 3 sisters have taken turns going home and staying >with my father during holidays to let her go away and have some time to herself. > >What I would like to know from other people involved with PD sufferers is, >am I wrong to feel resentful of my parents ? All my friends have succeeded >in growing up and away from their families and my sisters and I (I'm 29) >cannot make this break because of my fathers illness. The problem is that >when we go home, our parents sit back and let us or expect us to do >everything. The thing that I resent most is that this is my holiday time but >yet it feels like I'm working. Then I feel guilty for feeling this way. My >partner tells me that I should make the break with my parents completely and >not allow them to push me around but I then I resent him for telling me what >I'm already thinking. > >Another thing is that I also try to encourage my father to take some >exercise, even if its just a short walk, which I think might help instead of >just sitting in front of the tv all day, but he is reluctant to do this and >I think that he is afraid of getting stuck somewhere and not being able to >get back. My mother also makes a big deal when they go anywhere about how >slow and nervous he is getting in and out of restaurants, cinemas etc. I >feel that sometimes her attitude seems to make him worse. She also shares >all her criticisms of my father with us which I find really hard to take and >try to let her know but it doesn't seem to make any difference. > >And the last thing is, both my parents are obsessed with illness. They are >quite good about being interested in alternative therapies such as >meditation (which helps my mother a lot), bioenergy, herbal remedies etc >which helps the PD, but their reaction to something like a small common cold >is over the top. Also, every time I call home my mother gives me an update >on her health, latest cold, cough, stomach bug whatever. Its as though she >doesn't want my father to have all the attention being the ill one. As a >result, the rest of us are just the same and I constantly worry about having >a major illness, dying, or getting PD myself. I suffered from panic attacks >a few years ago and both of my sisters have had similar nervous problems. > >If anyone has any similar experiences out there, I would like to hear them >or am I just a selfish daughter ? > > > >Una Markey >ASTRO training >Cisco Systems Paris >Tel : (33) 01 69185232 >email : [log in to unmask] >