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Henry, You wrote: <<<<My wife will be coming back Saturday from Detroit. I am planning to meet with my children on the evening before. Yes Camilla, united we should stand, but I am not sure we have total unity yet for reasons shown below. My wife called and asked me to fill the Artane prescription she had overlooked. She filled all other prescription properly, but evidently missed the Artane. I had the prescription filled and Fed X=92d it overnight. That was last fri. since I spoke to her. We have not had any communication since then. Since then I found out that she has been in touch with my daughter in law twice, discussing and wondering who is picking her up upon her return. She tells my daughter in law that she wants me to pick her up, however she will not ask or call me. Tonight when my son (who lives with us )came home he confessed that he spoke to my wife Fri., which he did not want to tell me,because he did not want to repeat to me what my wife had said. He went on to suggest that I should pick her up only to keep peace. My wife (his mother) had told my son not to volunteer to pick her up, thus assuming that I will be there. My daughter in law of course is willing to pick her up but it will kill her and her husbands ( my son=92s) Saturday evening. I just hung up with my sister in law in Detroit and I had to promise her that I would not tell my wife that I have spoken with her. Everybody seems to be so afraid in this family. My concern is that I can not look for total support from my oldest son. He seems to be blind to the reality we are living under. He agreed that it is wrong for mother, not to ask her husband first. He understands that I am walking around having been hurt so many times just within the last four weeks. I suggested to Steve that he could have said very nicely to his mother =93Mother if you want Dad to pick you up you must talk to him. Do not have me be the constant messenger=94. She has such a control over him and all other relatives and me. As her regular doctor told me the other day, the control will only get worse. I said to my Steve that I will not pick her up if she elects not to ask me. Her only method again is through the children. He of course did not agree with me. I pleaded for his support but did not get anywhere because he fears confrontation if I do not pick her up. I hope my other son will be stronger and support me more. All of us will still meet Fri., as I said, and I can only pray for a positive outcome. What do you or anybody think is the proper approach?????>>>>> I find bluntness on my part may offend you. I will choose to be blunt/frank/honest/open in telling you and the group what I think - since you asked. Your posting was labeled "Henry's problem". Perhaps there is some truth in that. For example, the words "control", "found out", "keep peace", "fears confrontation" are used - but, there is no mention of cooperating, loving, caring, giving, sharing .... "Everybody seems to be so afraid in this family." is one of your observations. Do you and your wife want to share all that you have and all that you are? Do you feel hurt as you said also? Is the hurt for your self? Are you "alone" in the family? Are you expecting total unity? Does that mean "control of the family" by Henry? Does "patriarch" fit your family culture ideal? Would "matriarchy" fit your wife's family culture ideal? last comment: I do not write "my wife"; I say and write: "Nancy". Is your family on a first name basis? Do you love each and every one? I very much hope that some of these questions elicit thinking and feelings on your part - and that being open, loving, caring, sharing et cetera is the choice each of you make. Our fears are overcome with the "speed of light" when our shells of self open up. (this last stems from Stan Houston's query: "what is the speed of dark". Stan, the speed of dark is none. Dark is the abscence of light.) --=20 ron 1936, dz PD 1984 Ridgecrest, California Ronald F. Vetter <[log in to unmask]> http://www.ridgecrest.ca.us/~rfvetter