Stan H......
>Barb: Damnit! Nobody told me you had to be a virgin to have PD. Does this
>mean I don't have PD? Or that I really have PD and have reverted back to
>being a virgin? Respond promptly. My wife is anxious to find out.
Stan, m'dear.... with Parkinson's, virginity is an optional feature you can
have if you purchase the Basic Parkinson's Package. In fact, you get it free
of charge if you order the Parkinson's Deluxe Package! Hubba hubba! <grin>
I've gotta tell ya, Stan.. this is THE bargain of a lifetime. You get not
only free virginity, but also a discount on Sinemet, Eldepryl, Parlodel,
Paxil, every-vitamin-and-mineral-know-to-humankind, fava fava beans, Mexican
yam cream, guava juice, herbal teas and poltices, a $5 Dr. Wang's acupuncture
gift certificate (good only in the eastern part of the USA), nifty folding
case, aluminum walker (made
of recycled beer cans and they DO kinda still smell like a keg of BUD!)
<giggle>, and last-but-not-least, a pair of polyester satin pajamas
(one-size-fits-all).
Ohhhh JEEEEEZ! I almost forgot to say that we also include several
inspirational posters, suitable for framing, that say "But you don't LOOK
sick,"
"You just need more rest and you and'll stop shaking,' and "If you'd only
exercise more you wouldn't stand there like a stick of wood!"
We accept all major credit cards (grinning, ducking & running)!
Barb Mallut
"Lil_Honey" on the PD Chat
[log in to unmask]
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From: Parkinson's Information Exchange on behalf of Stan R. Houston
Sent: Monday, February 24, 1997 4:35 PM
To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
Subject: GRANDKIDS, GAYS AND OPRAH
Greetings from Texas!
My apologies for being absent for the past week. Have barely had time to
check my email, much less respond.
I feel as if I've been running around like the cliched head with its chicken
cut off. Why?
My wife, Shirley, had an emotional crisis last week (her job, my PD, our
future, our new dream home, her menopause, etc.). I accompanied her to her
therapist's office in Houston twice.
I'm publicity chairman for the Houston Writers Conference, a three-day event
sponsored by one of my writers clubs that will be held in March. The
Conference Chairperson --- one of my closest and dearest friends --- is
currently at the "I'm a raving bitch" stage that every writers conference
chairperson arrives at about a month before a meeting. She's continually
asking me to do extra projects at the last minute in an attempt to boost
registration numbers. We're already way past the break even point, and I've
been trying to explain that a nonprofit organization can have only so much
"surplus" in the bank before the IRS starts getting curious. "Screw the
IRS!" she screams in my ear. "I want 500 registrants for this Conference!
Send out more press releases!"
In addition, Shirley and I travelled to Dallas this weekend for my
81-year-old father's wedding. Talk about a real kick! Got to see my
10-week-old grandson for the second time since he was born . . . and made him
smile at me. The only time all weekend he smiled at anybody, I think. Spent
lots of time with my two adult children, my 2-1/2-year-old grandaughter, a
favorite aunt and cousin I had not seen in 15 years, and some of Shirley's
family. Was best man for the ceremony, with my granddaughter serving as
flower girl. And met my new stepsister . . . in her late thirties, very
personable, very bright, and boasting a figure like Jane Fonda once had.
(Before anyone screams, "SEXIST!" let me explain that her maid-of-honor dress
for the wedding was cut extremely low and defied gravity without the help of
straps.) Late Saturday night after the wedding, my father banged on our
hotel room door, waking us, to let us know he and his bride were moving down
the hall because a water pipe burst in their ceiling. I told him that if he
ever got married again, I would be grateful if he would avoid placing me and
Shirley next door to him in the hotel . . . thank you very much . . . and
goodnight. Somehow, I was able to figure out a Sinemet schedule for the
weekend --- making certain I could walk, talk and generally act human when I
needed to --- and it worked!
To top everything off, I staggered down to my study this morning about 3 a.m.
and discovered:
1. AOL was malfunctioning, only allowing me to read or download
any of my 20 messages from the past several days when it felt like it (a few
seconds out of every four or five) . . .
2. I missed the Great Gay Debate!
Actually, Dennis, there haven't been this many postings since the Humongous
Humor Debate several weeks ago.
Barb: Damnit! Nobody told me you had to be a virgin to have PD. Does this
mean I don't have PD? Or that I really have PD and have reverted back to
being a virgin? Respond promptly. My wife is anxious to find out.
Ivan: Personally, I don't give a flip (I think that's 10 points higher on the
Caring Scale than Barb's "rat's ass") whether you're gay or not. But I do
agree with several people who declared that your gayness or my beard or
Barb's employer or anything else that makes us different is NOT the issue. If
we ever appear on "Oprah" the issue will be Parkinson's disease and how it
affects our lives --- all of us.
By the way, I called Harpo Productions last week and was told that if Oprah
and her staff are interested in a proposal, response time can be anywhere
from one week to three months. Although I don't beleive we should wait quite
that long, I feel we should wait a reasonable amount of time --- say four
weeks --- before we contact another talk show.
Later, gang.
Stan Houston (54/6)
Cat Spring, Texas 78933
PS: Barb, I'll send you the "item" you requested as soon as I locate it in my
files.
