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>Date:Sat, 8 Mar 1997 23:53:02 -0500 >From:Automatic digest processor <[log in to unmask]> >Subject: PARKINSN Digest - 7 Mar 1997 to 8 Mar 1997 - Special issue >To:Recipients of PARKINSN digests <[log in to unmask]> > >Date: Sat, 8 Mar 1997 13:39:45 -0500 >From: Barbara Mallut <[log in to unmask]> >Subject: Re: Antw: Female sexuality and sinemet > >Marling.... > >I thought about your question a bit before responding as what had been a >heretofore vague personal observation began working it's way to the forefront >of my mind... > >Like you, I'm single, date, and think about sex as well as feel the desire for >it upon occasion both in relation to the men I date - if there's an attraction >- and just "in general." But when I date I don't just go to bed with a man >on a whim. > >There HAS to be a passage of time since our first date to permit desire and >affection to grow, and a strong attraction as well as desire before that'd >ever take place on MY part, at least... so the actual DEEDS are few and >far-between, 'cause all that just doesn't automatically happen. > >Basically, BEFORE I felt really "Parkinsonian," I didn't sleep around >casually, but thought about sex and desired it. After I began to feel real >"Parkie-ish" I still feel the same way towards sex and desire, but added into >that is the thought that "What if I were to enter into a long term >relationship, i.e., marriage, with someone I've grown to love - would I want >to give him the dubious honor of turning into a caregiver?" > >Before anyone rushes in at this point to add their two cents about how the >choice SHOULD be his.... yes, I agree. However, in a dating-type situation, >as affection grows that is NOT AT ALL based upon my having Parkinson's on the >MAN'S part (I know - because I've asked some of the men I've dated). It's >very much based upon all the other components and dynamics of what brings two >people together long enough to permit love to grow, and not even so much as >ONE man has yet given any thought to what comes AFTER we're an 'item," in >regards to the possibility of my condition further degenerating and thrusting >both of us into a somewhat different relationship than had originally been >anticipated. > >The longer I've had PD (and I've had it 21 years) the more conscious I become >of the above when I begin dating a fella. I recently started dating a man I >genuinely like and respect, who I've already told about my having PD, tho >haven't yet gone to bed with him. > >This is not because the desire isn't there, but because not only does he have >law practice but teaches law at a local university 4 nites a week, plus has 2 >teenage sons living with him. I work full time, and have a female roommate >and I'm sensitive to HER feelings about what it'd be like if there was >love-making going in the bedroom next to hers with all that is included in >that (faking a becoming blush) <grin>, so there's ALSO a "logistic problem!" ><this is worse than when I had two teenage kids daughters at home!> (giggle) > >We've managed to get together once or twice every weekend for the past month, >and have talked on the phone daily for the past two months. But this cannot >be described as a "typical 90s 'fast-food' courtship," by any means, which in >my opinion is a PLUS (albeit a sexually frustrating one) <smiling> because >it's permitted us the luxury of TIME - time to get to know each other before >going to bed together. > >We're going out this evening, and I plan on bring up both the "logistics >problem," AND the "probable future caregiving situation" with him, because it >feels right to do this now... but it's going to be tough!! (but heck.. I'll do >it anyway!) > >All that said, it's much harder to even THINK about dating nowadays, as it's >harder just going out ON a date - takes longer to get ready to go out, to >clean the house enough to make it what I consider to be "presentable," and to >even feel DECENT enough to go out. There's ALWAYS the temptation to just >shrug and say, "It's not worth it to me." But so far, I fight that instinct >as I know it is healthy to go out, be with people - or a person - and to enjoy >life as much as is humanly possible, given my living with a degenerative >neurological disease. > >ALL this goes on in my mind BEFORE ever becoming physically intimate with a >man. ALL this goes on in my mind as I grow towards emotional intimacy with a >man. So I ask you.... with all THIS running 'round my mental track, WHO has >time for SEX? <groan> Thank God for vibrators! <major blush> > >Barb Mallut >"Lil_Honey" on the PD Chat >[log in to unmask] > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Everyone who thinks Barb should go for it post a "YES!". Everyone who thinks Barb should hold off send batteries. Everyone who would like to know a little less about Barb's personal life post a "Shhhhhhh!" --------------------------------------------------------- Get Your *Web-Based* Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com ---------------------------------------------------------