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Maybe this mental vitamin prescription will help some. Jeff [log in to unmask] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood" from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. Communication is the most important skill in life. But consider this: you've spent years learning how to read and write. Years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training or education have you had that enables you to listen so that you really, deeply understand another human being from that individual's own frame of reference? Seek first to understand, or "diagnose before you prescribe", is a correct principle manifest in many areas of life. A wise doctor will diagnose before writing a prescription. A good engineer will understand the forces, the stresses at work, before designing the bridge. Similarly, an effective communicator will first seek to understand another's views before seeking to be understood. Until people feel properly diagnosed they will not be open to prescriptions. Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. They're either speaking or preparing to speak. They're filtering everything through their own paradigms, listening through their own frame of reference. In contrast, empathic listening gets inside the others frame of reference. You look out through it, you see the world the way he or she sees it, you understand how he or she feels. This does not mean that you agree necessarily simply that you understand his or her point of view. Next to physical survival, the greatest need of a human being is psychological survival, to be affirmed, to be appreciated, to be understood. When you listen with empathy to another person, you give that person psychological air. Once we understand, we can proceed with the second step of the interaction: seeking to be understood. Because the other person's need to be understood has been satisfied, we are much more likely to have influence and to be understood ourselves.