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On Sun, 13 Apr 1997 22:23:44 -0400 Suzanne Silva said: >HI: > >My name is Suzanne, I am 28 and the youngest daughter of Adam, age 66, who >has Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, both in the advanced stages. I was >subscribed to this list server several months ago but had to unsubscribe due >to some personal stuff. > >Let me tell you a little about why I have rejoined. I found so much >understanding and compassion here that I had to find my way back. My father >is dying. He hasn't eaten more than 3 bites of food in almost 4 weeks. He >can barely talk, and when he does it's a whisper. He is merely but a shell >of the vibrant man he once was. He does not walk and hasn't for longer than >I can remember. He is totally bedridden and dependent on my mother for every >little thing. Even though he should be in a long-term care facility, he is >at home. My mother, age 61 with high blood pressure, works herself ragged. >But it is truly a labor of love. I shudder to think how hard my father's >illness has been on her. I am losing a giant of a man, my lifetime hero, but >she is losing her husband, her lifetime love. > Suzanne, I'm glad you joined CARE... I can relate to your family's situation from my own--my husband does not have AD, but has the form of PD which causes gradual dementia/Bradyphrenia, and this is the hardest thing for him, I believe--not easy for me, either. His biggest concern is that he doesn't want to "be a burden" for me...we've been married nearly 54 years, and the losses are impossible to comprehend. He often talks of moving to a NH because of his concern for my health---this makes me wonder if your father may have some of the same feelings , as he sees your mother suffer from HIS illness? Many PWPs I believe feel a horror at the idea of a lingering "vegetative" state, and indeed your father may refuse food for this reason--society makes it easy to help a suffering pet, but not a loved one who may have reached "the end of her/his rope". I know this is controversial, and there is a lot of resistence to discussing such things on the main list, where a healthy denial may be the way many PWPs cope. It is not a new topic here on CARE, however.I hope that your father has made his wishes clear to the family, has a Living Will and Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care (which appoints a proxy to "speak" for him if he can't speak for himself) Please feel free to discuss all of this here, knowing folks will be able to understand and empathize. > >It's hard to watch him fade, very hard. I haven't even been able to cry >about until today when I saw the funeral home information sitting on my >mother's kitchen table, like a catalog or something. They say that he may >last another month. Maybe not even that long. I think he's willing himself >to die. He won't eat. He won't allow us to get him a G-tube. The quality of >his life is non- existent. He is ready to leave this place. > DO CRY--it helps! >I am getting married in 3 weeks and I have instructed my family to call me >home if something happens to my dad while I am away. I feel incredibly >guilty even going in the first place. I should also mention that I am >bipolar and this has taken a real toll on me, and I am fighting the >depression that is just around the corner. > Surely your approaching marriage would make your father happy--try to see it that way, without guilt. Camilla Flintermann, CG for Peter, 78/7, Oxford,Ohio [log in to unmask] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * "Ask me about the CARE list for PD caregivers!" * * * * * * * * * * * * * *