Oh JEEEEEEEEZ, Ivan! EVERYBODY knows the EASY way to give a kitty a pill is
to just clamp your little fur-friend in a vise, have two or three really good
friends who wouldn't mind a few scratches standing by to hold open kitty's wee
mouth, shove that pill down kitty''s throat, and RUN LIKE HELL!!
<giggle>
Barb Mallut
[log in to unmask]
-----Original Message-----
From: Parkinson's Information Exchange On Behalf Of Ivan M Suzman
Sent: Sunday, May 11, 1997 11:40 PM
To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
Subject: Humor:How to Give Your Cat a Pill
^^^^^^GREETINGS FROM^^^^^^^^^^
Ivan Suzman 47/10 [log in to unmask]
Portland, Maine land of lighthouses 50 deg. F tulip buds reddening
********************************************************
Dear friends,
I am buried in the diabetes survey work, and came up for air to share
this with you. With love from my kitty, Winnie.....
Yours,
Ivan Suzman
HOW TO GIVE YOUR CAT A PILL by Peggy Althoff
1. Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just
as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice
kitty." Drop pill into its mouth.
2. Retrieve cat from top of lamp and pill from under sofa.
3. Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with
left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill
into its mouth with right forefinger.
4. Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist
impulse to get new cat.)
5. Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in
bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso
over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's
mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since
your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what
you're doing. That's just as well.
6. Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.
7. If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good
cry.
8. Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve
cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here,
anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops!
9. This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing
claws are causing the chaos.
10. Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel
on floor.
11. Retrieve cat from kitchen counter and pill from potted plant.
12. Spread cat on towel near one end with its head over long edge.
13. Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist
impulse to flatten cat.)
14. Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man-or
woman.
15. Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its
mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.
16. Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done.
17. Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).
18. Take two aspirins and lie down.
