This is a late news flash that came over the Internet and it is really good
news for those of us who only speak English.
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government
conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish". In
the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less
letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes
are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which
have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of the silent "e's" in the language is disgraceful, and they
should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary
"o" kan be dropd from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors
be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a
reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun
vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer."
VE HAV OUR VAYS!! ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
Nancy B
