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^^^^^^GREETINGS FROM^^^^^^^^^^ Ivan Suzman 47/10 [log in to unmask] Portland, Maine land of lighthouses 56 deg. F chilly wind *********************************************************** Dear Listfriends, Well I'm only human, and after this year's ordeal of my house being lost to a fire, I have had a caregiver TRIPLE-WHAMMY today that's making me feel winded and anxious, and numb with pain and exhaustion: 1. Caregiver #1 calls me a "FAGGOT" in public when I ask for help, when my handwriting trailed off while filling out a form in an office. I had to release him from further duty (I am a gay man who is "out-of-the-closet "). This name-calling was a horrible PUBLIC act. 2. Caregiver #2 announces at 8 AM that she is moving to Hawaii in 6 weeks--and meanwhile last night, we froze our bottoms here wih wind chill; 3. Caregiver #3, who said all along she would move into my reconstructed home as a live-in companion changes her mind, and tells me at 6:30 PM that she'd rather not live with me. I wonder what the Parkinson's Monster did to CG #3. I am beside myself with anxiety. The fear of dependency, institutionalization and decline jUMPS out of nowhere. I thought i had buried this fear, but NO, NO it's BACK!! Feeling very, very blue and battered, IVAN S. 47/10 but feeling like 547/510