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Ivan, m'friend.... #1's a total jerk! #2's prolly gonna be the envy of many in Maine <grin> #3's just exercising the right of all people to change their mind (but that doesn't mean it bothers you any the less) Finally, dear.... I think your fears are ones all who are single/alone/whatever and have a chronic degenerative disease must come to grips with. I don't know that it's ever possible to be at ease with this type of fear tho, unless one's very wealthy and can afford to get all the help one needs at any time. THIS is a fear that haunts many of us over and over again. BIG hug at ya, Ivan... Barb Mallut [log in to unmask] -----Original Message----- From: Parkinson's Information Exchange On Behalf Of Ivan M Suzman Sent: Monday, June 16, 1997 6:23 PM To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN Subject: Feeling blue/caregiver TRIPLE-WHAMMY ^^^^^^GREETINGS FROM^^^^^^^^^^ Ivan Suzman 47/10 [log in to unmask] Portland, Maine land of lighthouses 56 deg. F chilly wind *********************************************************** Dear Listfriends, Well I'm only human, and after this year's ordeal of my house being lost to a fire, I have had a caregiver TRIPLE-WHAMMY today that's making me feel winded and anxious, and numb with pain and exhaustion: 1. Caregiver #1 calls me a "FAGGOT" in public when I ask for help, when my handwriting trailed off while filling out a form in an office. I had to release him from further duty (I am a gay man who is "out-of-the-closet "). This name-calling was a horrible PUBLIC act. 2. Caregiver #2 announces at 8 AM that she is moving to Hawaii in 6 weeks--and meanwhile last night, we froze our bottoms here wih wind chill; 3. Caregiver #3, who said all along she would move into my reconstructed home as a live-in companion changes her mind, and tells me at 6:30 PM that she'd rather not live with me. I wonder what the Parkinson's Monster did to CG #3. I am beside myself with anxiety. The fear of dependency, institutionalization and decline jUMPS out of nowhere. I thought i had buried this fear, but NO, NO it's BACK!! Feeling very, very blue and battered, IVAN S. 47/10 but feeling like 547/510