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> Here is the kind of job description most of us can relate to:

>HONESTY UNIVERSITY has *Vacancy*
>Dean, College of Increasingly Fragmented Studies
>
>Honesty University, a public, almost comprehensive institution of
>hopefully higher education, seeks someone desperate enough to fill a
>vacancy created by the gleeful departure of the previous dean for a
>better-paying, less-stressful job.  Honesty University is located in
>the State of Flux, and receives a pitifully small annual subsidy from
>a state legislature which would rather spend tax dollars on prisons,
>highways, and tax breaks (AKA, bribes) to large corporations.  The
>University is comprised of six colleges:  the College of Corporate
>Greed (our largest); the College of Incompetent Instructional
>Training; the College of Science (our smallest); the College of Small
>Appliance Repair, Plumbing, and Technical Matriculation; the College
>of Computer Worship (our best endowed); and the College of
>Increasingly Fragmented Studies (IFS).
>
>The College of IFS is comprised of the following units:  the Center
>for Interdisciplinary Studies; the Center for International Studies;
>the Center for Diversity Studies; the Center for Interpersonal
>Studies; the Center for Cultural Studies; the Center for Intercultural
>Studies; the Institute of Political Correctness; the Center for the
>Politically Incorrect; the Department of Cross-Disciplinary
>Deconstruction; the Institute for the Resource-Challenged; the
>Department of Idiosyncrasy; the Department of Ideologic Eccentricity;
>and the Institute for Providing Jobs for Faculty Who Got Tenure &
>Don't Like Their Disciplines Any More.  The College also houses a
>small instructional laboratory staffed entirely by adjuncts which
>provides classes in English Composition, Public Speaking, Logic, Basic
>Mathematics, Reading, and Appreciation of the Arts.  The Dean is the
>chief administrator of the College, and supervises a small,
>overworked, poorly-paid staff.  The Dean reports directly to the
>Provost, who wishes the College of IFS didn't exist.
>
>RESPONSIBILITIES:  The Dean of IFS is responsible for the
>administration of all the programs listed above, but is expected to
>have no opinions whatsoever about their daily operations.  As chief
>fiscal officer of the College, the Dean is expected to acquire
>unprecedented funding from the central administration, and turn it all
>over to the unit which yells the loudest or considers its educational
>mission The Only One That Really Matters.  The Dean will also be the
>College's chief fund-raiser, and is expected to enlarge our endowment
>(presently valued at $7,438.27) by $14.75 million within the next two
>years.  The Dean will also:  sit on 137 committees; handle all
>faculty, staff, and student grievances with the wisdom of Solomon;
>approve, in writing, every trivial thing anyone can think of; teach
>for free; approve, in writing, significant departmental changes, major
>plans, and hair-brained schemes without reading any of them; grant all
>leaves, promotions, and tenure awards without question; maintain a
>significant program of scholarly research worth $12.5 million in
>annual grants to Honesty U.
>
>QUALIFICATIONS:
>--a terminal degree in one of the disciplines represented within the
>College, or equivalent professional credentials (e.g., blood
>relationship with a member of our Board of Regents or State
>Legislature)
>--a record of teaching, research, and service that would earn an
>endowed chair at Harvard
>--legal skills and knowledge that could get you admitted to most
>state bar associations
>--demonstrated ideologic purity and absolutely correct politics
>(although we will not tell you what these are)
>--an administrative track record that would qualify you as a CEO for
>any Fortune 500 corporation
>--the teaching and negotiating skills of Jesus of Nazareth
>--demonstrated ability to "please all of the people all of the time"
>
>To apply, submit the following materials:
>--a letter of application which demonstrates that you have lost every
>last vestige of self-respect
>--five current letters of reference from people who will be utterly
>crushed to find out you wish to leave your present position
>--original transcripts from every school you ever attended (although,
>of course, these will be "filed" in the nearest wastebasket)
>--your resume (preferably, 50+ pages litho-printed on museum-quality
>parchment)
>--a "brief" autobiographical sketch, clearly demonstrating what an
>egotistical, ambitious, Machiavellian you are
>--a book-length "vision plan" for the College of IFS, detailing how
>you will turn a second-rate collection of misfits and prima donnas
>into a world-class center of learning--on less money than it takes to
>operate your average car wash)
>
>Application Deadline:  72 hours from the time you first read this.
>
>NB--Honesty University is an EEE (Equal Everything Employer)
>institution.  Do not apply if some factor of your identity is not
>politically in fashion (this list subject to frequent, random
>changes).
>
>********************* (originally from Trinity University)