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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How To Know When You're Growing Old ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work. The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. You feel like the morning after but you haven't been anywhere. Your children begin to look middle-aged. You've finally reached the top of the ladder, only to find that it's leaning against the wrong wall. Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep. You look forward to a dull evening. Your favorite part of the newspaper is "Twenty Years Ago Today". You turn out the light for economic reasons. You sit in the rocking chair and you can't get it going. Your knees buckle, but your belt won't. You regret all those mistakes you made resisting temptation. Your pacemaker makes the garage door open when you see a pretty girl. The little old gray-haired man you help across the street is your husband. You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there. You have too much room in the house and not enough room in the medicine cabinet. You know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions. Your broad mind and your narrow waist have exchanged places. [log in to unmask]