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hi charlie welcome back! your report was interesting, and appreciated. do keep us advised of your progress >I think it is important that we bitch a little (or a lot) once in a >while here. I have written here about healthy and unhealthy denial and >while it is not productive to wallow in our misery there are a lot of >times that I feel miserable and damn it, I have a right to feel sorry >for myself- i'm intrigued by this for some weird reason, i can't generate any resentment or anger over the fact that i have pd, and i know i'm no saint! my initial reaction was certainly terror and panic at diagnosis but that reaction was solely based on ignorance which has been dealt a terminal blow by this list >when I am unable to go some place on my own >when I wake up at 4 AM with muscle cramps >When I watch the woman I love burdened by my lack of mobility forgive me, charlie, i'm really not trying to trespass on anyone's area of expertise but i have to ask you do the above comments reflect your feelings that: you 'should' be able to ... you 'shouldn't' have to .... and she's bound to feel .... and i 'shouldn't' ...? are you still struggling with acceptance? do you think acceptance might be harder for a man than a woman due to our societal brain/washing/staining in re yardsticks of worth/success/strength? how does my talking about my seeing my diagnosis of pd as a possible 'gift' strike you? loony? saintly? bizarre? here is a little christmas tale that illustrates one occasion of a 'light' going on in my head in re acceptance: ------------------------------------------------ with my designer background i've always been a pretty picky present wrapper no visible scotch tape, patterned paper matching colour coordination to die for last christmas my sister and i were behind schedule as usual but this was really behind! it was christmas eve - and i was still wrapping presents i was indulging in a drink or two which didn't help with the drug kick-in but i was also into the dreaded 'hormone freeze' and i still had 6 presents to wrap my sister was keeping me company while i worked but had her back to me, having sworn under oath not to peek, while i struggled to cope with paper and tape and ribbon etc. one package took half an hour to complete i then ahuffled over to the tree be-e-en-n-t down, groaning like i was 149 instead of 49 and attempted to position the treasure artistically suddenly, reality hit me luckily the shops here here are pretty liberal with inner tissue paper and outer decorative boxes and pretty gold elastic ties so wrapping the next package consisted of: stuff it in the box, slap some tissue on it, mash the box lid down on the sucker, snap the damn elastic on it, and throw it at the damn tree now THAT's wrapped!!! we laughed and laughed and laughed so much for pride ------------------------------------------------ for whatever it's worth... [i hope you're not regretting coming back!!] with love to you and yours your syber-sis janet [log in to unmask]