------ =_NextPart_000_01BCAC8A.66F61980 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Jacob: =09 I have read over your message "where to start"! It stirred up many = emotions in me. I feel you are a very bitter and unhappy individual, = and for that I really feel very sorry for you! I would not wish PD on = any individual in there life. But if we are unlucky enough to get it, = we have to learn to deal with it and go on, it is easier if you can = learn to take one day at a time. The life we are given is very = precious and we need to fight for every minute of it we can get. No = matter how bad it seems. =09 I am 39 years old, I was diagnosed with PD 12 years ago, but lived with = symptoms for 2-3 yr. before that time, if you do your math that would = make me about 24 when I started living with this disease. And believe = me it hasn't been a party!. In that time I have had two girls which = have grown to be very understanding when it comes to "Mom's disease", = more so than some adults I have run across out there. They say kids = can be cruel, well take it from me adults can be just as cruel. These = years have not easy for any of us. One of the hardest things was not = being able to hold my baby in my arms and feed her a bottle because I = could not hold the bottle still. My girls have had to learn to do = without having certain things done because of "Mom's Disease". I = remember crying to myself when my youngest was asked if she had one wish = in her whole life what would she wish for and her reply was "to find a = doctor that could make her Mom's Disease go away forever". In this time = period I have also had to deal with my father committing suicide = because he had PD, this happened at the very early stage of my disease = which really threw me over the edge for awhile. But one day I realized = that I have got this I either have to learn to deal with it and go on = or just quit and let down everyone who counts on me. Well picked the = first, I wasn't ready to give up, I felt I had so much more to give. = My sense of humor has been my saving grace though all of this. I have = had so many of my friends tell me that I have been and example for them = in so many ways, if this is to be my legacy for my friends and family = after I am gone then that makes every minute I have to live with PD = bearable. And the belief that there is going to be a cure for this = some day in the near future helps me face each day. We are all in the same boat and it's up to all of us to decide if it = sinks or not. But if we throw out all the courage, strength, and = determination to fight this, and our sense of humor to deal with it = every day, then we are up a creek with out a paddle. Just remember = life is worth it , there is always someone who would be lost without you = in there life. I am very sorry if I over stepped my bounds here but I = felt this had to be said and this is just the forum for it to be done. Susan . =20 [The] =20 Original Message----- From: Jacob Drollinger [SMTP:[log in to unmask]] Sent: Monday, August 18, 1997 9:27 PM To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN Subject: where to start? Dear Listfriends, I have a few things to ask. But first, let me fill you in on what's been happening, not only as of = late, for those of you who know me, but also in my past for those of you who = may be new to the list. I suppose you could call it devine justice. Due to a self-esteem problem (also could be termed an ego problem), I attempted suicide about nine = years ago. It was actually a feeble cry for help. I poisoned myself with = carbon monoxide. What I ended up with was a sort of self-inflicted pallidotomy. Except = instead of helping me, the bi-lateral lesions to both the internal and external globus pallidus balanced no signals, but rather created a sort of = bizzarre Parkinson's like illness that has left me in many ways as less than half = the man that I was before. I used the word "Devine" before, because I do believe that it was God's = will that I should end up as I am today; that is - slow of movement, devoid = of balance, and poor of oral communication. Now for the truly sad (?) part. All of this happened when I was eighteen years old, which, if you do the math, makes me almost twenty-seven right = now. I know and I realize that we all have our own concerns, and I guess I = should feel lucky to just be alive. But you know what, I am NOT. I demand a = rematch with my former self. As I am sitting here writing this, I feel the best = years of my life, and what's left of my sanity slipping away. I also understand that there are those of you who are much worse off = than I am, but didn't most of you have good years as well? Even years after you had been diagnosed, but were still able to enjoy = life. I don't want to offend anyone as I have done in the past, but if you = have never woken up from a coma after four days, and have had level 4-5 Parkinson's thrust upon you instantly, then you can't understand. I have recently received some good news from Carole Hilton, a member of = the list, also holding a big title at the Good Samaritan Hospital in Los = Angeles. In a previous message she has stated that the type of P.D. that I have = would be most appropriate for a fetal tissue implant. As you know, however, this procedure will not come without some money = being spent, and some controversy concerning ethical considerations. Being a Christian, I have already dealt with the moral questions that I = will face when I meet the Lord, if I even get THAT far. The $45,000 that would have to be shelled out is about all my immediate family is worth, so it appears that I am going to need some help with = that. I have sent mail to both our local newspaper and a local T.V. station, but = have not heard from them yet. It may sound strange, but I am also a Christian without a church. I do = not even want to go into why not. Just know that I read my bible almost = every night. What I want is to know where I should be concentrating my efforts for = raising funds. Sincere best wishes to all, Jacob (26,'88) =00=00 ------ =_NextPart_000_01BCAC8A.66F61980 Content-Type: application/ms-tnef Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64 eJ8+IjEPAQaQCAAEAAAAAAABAAEAAQeQBgAIAAAA5AQAAAAAAADoAAEIgAcAGAAAAElQTS5NaWNy b3NvZnQgTWFpbC5Ob3RlADEIAQ2ABAACAAAAAgACAAEEkAYA+AEAAAEAAAAQAAAAAwAAMAMAAAAL AA8OAAAAAAIB/w8BAAAAXAAAAAAAAACBKx+kvqMQGZ1uAN0BD1QCAAAAAFBhcmtpbnNvbidzIElu Zm9ybWF0aW9uIEV4Y2hhbmdlAFNNVFAAUEFSS0lOU05AbGlzdHNlcnYudXRvcm9udG8uY2EAHgAC MAEAAAAFAAAAU01UUAAAAAAeAAMwAQAAAB4AAABQQVJLSU5TTkBsaXN0c2Vydi51dG9yb250by5j YQAAAAMAFQwBAAAAAwD+DwYAAAAeAAEwAQAAACMAAAAnUGFya2luc29uJ3MgSW5mb3JtYXRpb24g RXhjaGFuZ2UnAAACAQswAQAAACMAAABTTVRQOlBBUktJTlNOQExJU1RTRVJWLlVUT1JPTlRPLkNB AAADAAA5AAAAAAsAQDoBAAAAHgD2XwEAAAAhAAAAUGFya2luc29uJ3MgSW5mb3JtYXRpb24gRXhj aGFuZ2UAAAAAAgH3XwEAAABcAAAAAAAAAIErH6S+oxAZnW4A3QEPVAIAAAAAUGFya2luc29uJ3Mg SW5mb3JtYXRpb24gRXhjaGFuZ2UAU01UUABQQVJLSU5TTkBsaXN0c2Vydi51dG9yb250by5jYQAD 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