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I try to be happy and most of the time I suppose I succeed. But last night I could not sleep because I ate something I liked. Today I forgot my noon meds because I left my alarm at my desk when I went to lunch. Even though I took the pill as soon as I got back to my desk I knew I was going to go off before the pill could work. I was looking forward to two hours of fighting with a body that would not work until the pills started working. At three o'clock I had a choice to make. Take the pill now and have a few more hours or save it to help me sleep. I took the pill. That gave me enough time to get home and eat. No time on for me to do what I want. Everything I do is done while fighting against an unresponsive body. Everything from just sitting up to using the toilet. Tonight I lost it. I had realized just what I had lost. I started crying and couldn't stop. I've been dependent on someone to a greater or lesser extent all my life. What I had lost was the illusion of independence. Or maybe, as Kristen said, I'm just tired. Marvin