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Sorry, I couldn't resist. I've never bogged down a list with humor before, but I was rolling on the floor with these, and thought it might strike a chord with many of you. >>> SUBJ: Frequently-Asked Questions About Health Care >>> By David Lubar >>> >>> Q. What does HMO stand for? >>> A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go >>> back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a >>> patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked >>> hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke >>> with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the >>> result remains the same. >>> >>> Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification? >>> A. No. Only those you need. >>> >>> Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor >>> I want? >>> A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer >>> will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating >>> in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors >>> basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting >>> new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the >>> plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and >>> accepting new patients has an office just a half day's drive away! >>> >>> Q. What are pre-existing conditions? >>> A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to >>> talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck >>> with it. >>> >>> Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions? >>> A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment. >>> >>> Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? >>> A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment. >>> >>> Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. >>> I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache. What should >>> >>> I do? >>> A. Poke yourself in the eye. >>> >>> Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My >>> insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I'd already >>> paid my bill. What should I do? >>> A. You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over >>> to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those >>> great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms >>> or frog hatcheries. >>> >>> Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling? >>> A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus. >>> >>> Q. No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick? >>> A. You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing your >>> primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and then get >>> sick. >>> >>> Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle >>> my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant >>> right in his office? >>> A. Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10 >>> co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it. >>> >>> Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs? >>> A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses. >>> >>> Q. Will health care be any different in the next century? >>> A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then. >> >> ----- Forwarded Message Ends Here ----- Nancy Pearl Solomon, Ph.D., CCC-SLP Assistant Professor Department of Communication Disorders University of Minnesota 115 Shevlin Hall 164 Pillsbury Dr. SE Minneapolis, MN 55455 (612)624-1010 (612)624-7586 FAX