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my dear cyber-sibling ivan i am worried about you i don't say that lightly you must know me a little bit by now from all my postings i'm very reluctant to judge anyone i tend to think and mull and turn things over in my head before i spill them out the bare skeleton of your conflict with the npf is that this occurred some time ago [more than a year?] and this is the second time you've brought the details to the list far be it from me to declare the purpose of this list that authority if it must be exercised must come from the list owner, barb patterson who created this miraculous communication medium out of her own generosity and hard work i am going through my own personal crises we all do from time to time but i don't 'expect' them to be solved by anyone else that chore is mine alone and the solution must come from within me not from 'outside' regardless of how loving, supportive, helpful etc i need a new country and a new job not 'just' a little bundle of cash [i don't intend to 'minimize' your conflict but to 'force' you to look at it from a different perspective] granted, i asked the list for advice and comments but i am not 'expecting' them to solve my problems for me i believe that the reason we are here on this planet is to be given tasks to learn from if we don't learn for whatever reason the same problems keep coming up again and again until we finally learn how to solve them... and then along comes the next... you have been through tough times in the past and have been able to conquer them what is holding you back from that now? is it possible that you are becoming obsessed by this one conflict? if your thinking processes are getting distorted, by meds, say, how would you know? is there some kind of safety check? eg with cd and me there are one or two specific situations where i might behave/react in a certain specific way that i can now recognise as clear warning signs of cd's return even thru the murk >THIS must for Heaven;s sake please STOP >before it causes me to break down. 'it' cannot cause you to do anything or feel anything if you 'break down' it's because you are allowing yourself to react in this way it is sometimes very difficult to see that you have a choice here but you really do and once you comprehend that you will feel more empowered than you have ever felt >.. requesting me to STOP asking our listmembers to help me figure >out some way to be compensated for the devastation, but avoiding >the ordeaal of Court, I have experienced at the hands of the >National Parkinson's Foundation and its disappearing >doctor Sanchez-Ramos. This has re-opened a horrible nightmare... my dear ivan "devastation" "ordeal" "horrible nightmare" "cover-up" "big brother" "gestapo" "hidden forces" "quarantined" all sound to me like exaggerations of a paranoid order i am not a medico but i know how brain chemistry can distort my thought processes so that i lose perspective why not try 'flipping' your perception of the whole thing into a game, a cosmic joke, an absurdity and just laugh at it and let it go? "Impossible!" you say? believe it or not, that choice is yours those emotions of yours are not coming from 'out there' they are coming from inside you and that's the only place where you can deal with them effectively >The cover-up and silence the NPF is trying to impose >on my friends and family and myself makes me feel ... again you have the choice of how you feel and how you react however, if your perceptions are skewed [by meds] for instance than any reaction based on false or distorted perception is going to be skewed or false as well just because you feel an emotion doesn't necessarily mean that the emotion is valid it can't be valid if it is a response to a distorted perception when peter flintermann had that terrible med reaction imagine how his thought processes must have been twisted and distorted by our beloved and indispensible pd meds he wasn't 'crazy' - he was suffering medication induced psychosis to an extreme degree think about how a 'mild' or 'moderate' degree of the same might manifest itself >I've worked as hard as possible .... >I will continue onward in this positive way. there is no doubt whatever that you have been selfless and generous in your work for pd the simple fact that, at the moment, you cannot seem to see this list as a similarly selfless and generous creation by barb patterson rings a loud warning bell in my head that your normal perceptions are being distorted please know that i offer this not with any criticism or judgment at all just deep concern for you and your health i don't think the npf is the problem here your parkie sister janet [log in to unmask]