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dear cyber-siblings

i don't want to get tedious about this subject
but...

i'm going to anyway
because it feels too important to me

when my ex-brother-in-law, willie, was a child,
he was part of a large, hard-working, loving family

during his teen years
willie witnessed a profound personality change in his father
who became generally very angry and argumentative
to the point of physically abusing willie's mom

willie felt his love for his father turn to hatred

a few years later
willie's father was diagnosed with a brain tumour
and died not too long after the diagnosis

on a more personal and slightly less traumatic level
during my twenties i shared an apartment
with my then love maurice for about four years

my temperament has always seemed pretty happy and easy-going
both to me and to all my friends
certainly i rarely got angry or raised my voice

in spite of that
maurice and i had horrific yelling arguments once in awhile
and i can still feel the full-blown glorious rage
surging around inside me from those fights

finally maurice took note of the calendar
he was the one to make the connection
between our arguments and day 23 of my menstrual cycle

it was like clockwork

and i never made the connection for
hmmmm
27 - 13 = 14 years x 12 = 168 months

i virtually became another person
i was angry at everything and anything
no matter what maurice said
or even if he said nothing
it made no difference
i just got angrier
maurice could have propped up a cardboard replica of himself
and gone out for a walk
i doubt that i would have noticed

am i going anywhere with these two sad tales?

yep
straight to my favourite subject
brain chemisty

we are all familiar with pd's physical symptoms
and while some of us may be embarassed about showing them in public
we are all used to
and even probably expect
some level of empathy, understanding, compassion
and accommodation from the rest of the world
for our physical plight

however
when it comes to symptoms which may be deemed
'psychological' or 'emotional' or 'cognitive' or whatever
it seems to me that
a lot of people may be tempted to rush in
and make judgments and condemn such behaviours as 'nutcase'

call me weird
but if someone i know starts behaving in an extreme manner
i find myself sitting back and
saying 'hmmmm' to myself

between 'hormone hell' and cd
i have experienced a ton of 'emotions'
that have been purely chemically induced
and had nothing to do with my so-called 'mental state'

i keep thinking over and over
these brain chemicals
are no joke

medication induced psychosis
is just that
medication induced

not a 'mental condition'
and not even permanent

we all 'play' with our brain chemistry
on a daily, hourly, minutely basis
fine-tuning and tweaking
as well as we can

the way i see it
medication induced psychosis
is as real a possibility for me and for any parkie
as any other drug side effect

it seems to me
that constant vigilance
and intimate knowledge about our disease
are both critical to our well-being and to our safety

i have to consciously work at the former
i am grateful every day for this list for providing the latter


your cyber-sis in chemistry

janet

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