^^^^^^GREETINGS FROM^^^^^^^^^^ Ivan Suzman 47/10 [log in to unmask] Portland, Maine land of lighthouses deg. F *********************************************************** Janet, Thank you for your love. I am unable at this point to believe that there is no solution. I want you to know that I think about you in lush, fragrant Bermuda, and am grateful for all that you share with the List. I think the tension my story is causing has to do with personal boundaries. I choose to share deeply, at least to unburden myself so that I still have joy and wonderment freed to be in awe of the tufted titmouses and black-capped chickadees under the bent white pine tree in the back corner of my yard Sincerely, Your coastal Atlantic cyber-bro' IVAN On Thu, 18 Sep 1997 09:18:14 -0400 janet paterson <[log in to unmask]> writes: >my dear cyber-sibling ivan > >i am worried about you >i don't say that lightly > >you must know me a little bit by now from all my postings >i'm very reluctant to judge anyone > >i tend to think and mull and turn things over >in my head before i spill them out > >the bare skeleton >of your conflict with the npf >is that this occurred some time ago [more than a year?] >and this is the second time you've brought the details to the list > >far be it from me to declare the purpose of this list > >that authority >if it must be exercised >must come from the list owner, barb patterson >who created this miraculous communication medium >out of her own generosity and hard work > >i am going through my own personal crises >we all do >from time to time > >but i don't 'expect' them to be solved by anyone else >that chore is mine alone >and the solution must come from within me >not from 'outside' regardless of how loving, supportive, helpful etc > >i need a new country and a new job >not 'just' a little bundle of cash >[i don't intend to 'minimize' your conflict >but to 'force' you to look at it from a different perspective] > >granted, i asked the list for advice and comments >but i am not 'expecting' them to solve my problems for me > >i believe that the reason we are here on this planet >is to be given tasks to learn from > >if we don't learn >for whatever reason >the same problems keep coming up again and again >until we finally learn how to solve them... >and then along comes the next... > >you have been through tough times in the past >and have been able to conquer them > >what is holding you back from that now? > >is it possible >that you are becoming obsessed by this one conflict? > >if your thinking processes >are getting distorted, by meds, say, how would you know? >is there some kind of safety check? > >eg with cd and me >there are one or two specific situations >where i might behave/react in a certain specific way >that i can now recognise as clear warning signs of cd's return >even thru the murk > >>THIS must for Heaven;s sake please STOP >>before it causes me to break down. > >'it' cannot cause you to do anything or feel anything > >if you 'break down' >it's because you are allowing yourself to react in this way > >it is sometimes very difficult to see that you have a choice here >but you really do >and once you comprehend that >you will feel more empowered than you have ever felt > >>.. requesting me to STOP asking our listmembers to help me figure >>out some way to be compensated for the devastation, but avoiding >>the ordeaal of Court, I have experienced at the hands of the >>National Parkinson's Foundation and its disappearing >>doctor Sanchez-Ramos. This has re-opened a horrible nightmare... > >my dear ivan > >"devastation" "ordeal" "horrible nightmare" >"cover-up" "big brother" "gestapo" "hidden forces" "quarantined" > >all sound to me like exaggerations of a paranoid order > >i am not a medico but i know how brain chemistry >can distort my thought processes >so that i lose perspective > >why not try 'flipping' your perception of the whole thing >into a game, a cosmic joke, an absurdity >and just laugh at it >and let it go? > >"Impossible!" you say? >believe it or not, that choice is yours >those emotions of yours are not coming from 'out there' >they are coming from inside you >and that's the only place where you can deal with them effectively > >>The cover-up and silence the NPF is trying to impose >>on my friends and family and myself makes me feel ... > >again >you have the choice of how you feel and how you react > >however, if your perceptions are skewed [by meds] for instance >than any reaction based on false or distorted perception >is going to be skewed or false as well > >just because you feel an emotion >doesn't necessarily mean that the emotion is valid >it can't be valid if it is a response to a distorted perception > >when peter flintermann had that terrible med reaction >imagine how his thought processes must have been >twisted and distorted >by our beloved and indispensible pd meds > >he wasn't 'crazy' - he was suffering medication induced psychosis >to an extreme degree > >think about how a 'mild' or 'moderate' degree of the same >might manifest itself > >>I've worked as hard as possible .... >>I will continue onward in this positive way. > >there is no doubt whatever >that you have been selfless and generous in your work for pd > >the simple fact that, at the moment, >you cannot seem to see this list >as a similarly selfless and generous creation by barb patterson >rings a loud warning bell in my head >that your normal perceptions are being distorted > >please know that i offer this >not with any criticism or judgment at all >just deep concern for you and your health > >i don't think the npf is the problem here > > >your parkie sister > >janet >[log in to unmask] >