My wife Joanna (Jo to everybody) wrote this. I am sharing
it with the list with her permission.
Jo's posting.
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Communication : A Talking Point : A Carer's View.
In the 70's and 80's the words 'Body Language' became everyday
jargon. There were books on it, shows on it and some made their
careers in explaining it and how to read it. I found it interesting and
funny and would enjoy amusing moments when reading peoples
body language, and it was quite helpful at times interpreting peoples
emotions or state of mind, not to mention those of my husband and
children.
That changed, when in 1987 he became diagnosed with Parkinson's
disease, and his body language slowly faded in front of my eyes. That
animated face, easy smile and wave; being relaxed or tired; content or
anxious; looks that I knew so well, things that I could read easily about
him with a quick glance or even longer gaze had gone.
There was many a time I would think that he didn't like something because
the 'emotion' wasn't there to see. In fact the emotion was there but he
just
couldn't show it. The 'parkie mask' was very evident. Deep down I knew it
was the disease, all the signs and symptoms were there, I'd read all about
them. I'd get angry with myself after getting him to say how much he liked
something and feel guilty when he say again, "I'm not bored , just 'parked'.
His emotions are on the 'inside' - locked in by the Parkinson's, unable to
be
seen because of the rigidity, slowness and masked expression, this - in a
man who is full of sensitivity and tenderness with such feeling for the
world
and the written word .
It's frustrating sometimes for me not to get immediate feedback. They say
patience is a virtue, but for parkie's partners it's a necessity to keep
the
very important channel of communication open. I'm still working on it. The
Parkinson's won't go away and the 'channel' gets slowly more blocked. So
we have to find other ways to get messages from our partner. Talking is of
the essence. We must not be afraid to say what we feel to our partners
for
fear of hurting their feelings a little bit - they have a right to know.
'A stitch
in time saves nine' so to speak. It is all part of the whole -
communication.
It wasn't long ago that for a week I didn't say that I felt 'left out',
that we
weren't really talking to each other. I thought he'd shut down from me and
I
thought something was really worrying him. Eventually, somewhat tearfully,
I
told him. He was shocked and saddened having had no idea that he was
putting out these signals. "Please tell me when you feel like that - I'd
never
shut you out", he said.
I said," I should have known".
Another lesson learnt.
Jo Greene.
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Jo, CG for Dennis Greene 47/10
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http://members.networx.net.au/~dennisg/
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