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Dennis and Jo and all listmembers You say it very beautifull,Jo. I tried to say about the same in my yesterday posting. It is impressive that even for loving and intelligent people like you, it is so difficult to fight your intuition, which is saying the wrong thing. This one of the most "painfull" symptoms of Parkinson. I would like to hear from you, Dennis (and Jo)and others, just how you manage to live with this. But now, my pallidotomy comes first. Thaks to all who wished me strength and good luck. Ida Kamphuis [log in to unmask] > My wife Joanna (Jo to everybody) wrote this. I am sharing > it with the list with her permission. > > Jo's posting. > ------------------- > > Communication : A Talking Point : A Carer's View. > > In the 70's and 80's the words 'Body Language' became everyday > jargon. There were books on it, shows on it and some made their > careers in explaining it and how to read it. I found it interesting and > funny and would enjoy amusing moments when reading peoples > body language, and it was quite helpful at times interpreting peoples > emotions or state of mind, not to mention those of my husband and > children. > > That changed, when in 1987 he became diagnosed with Parkinson's > disease, and his body language slowly faded in front of my eyes. That > animated face, easy smile and wave; being relaxed or tired; content or > anxious; looks that I knew so well, things that I could read easily about > him with a quick glance or even longer gaze had gone. > > There was many a time I would think that he didn't like something because > the 'emotion' wasn't there to see. In fact the emotion was there but he > just > couldn't show it. The 'parkie mask' was very evident. Deep down I knew it > was the disease, all the signs and symptoms were there, I'd read all about > them. I'd get angry with myself after getting him to say how much he liked > something and feel guilty when he say again, "I'm not bored , just 'parked'. > > His emotions are on the 'inside' - locked in by the Parkinson's, unable to > be > seen because of the rigidity, slowness and masked expression, this - in a > man who is full of sensitivity and tenderness with such feeling for the > world > and the written word . > > It's frustrating sometimes for me not to get immediate feedback. They say > patience is a virtue, but for parkie's partners it's a necessity to keep > the > very important channel of communication open. I'm still working on it. The > Parkinson's won't go away and the 'channel' gets slowly more blocked. So > we have to find other ways to get messages from our partner. Talking is of > the essence. We must not be afraid to say what we feel to our partners > for > fear of hurting their feelings a little bit - they have a right to know. > 'A stitch > in time saves nine' so to speak. It is all part of the whole - > communication. > > It wasn't long ago that for a week I didn't say that I felt 'left out', > that we > weren't really talking to each other. I thought he'd shut down from me and > I > thought something was really worrying him. Eventually, somewhat tearfully, > I > told him. He was shocked and saddened having had no idea that he was > putting out these signals. "Please tell me when you feel like that - I'd > never > shut you out", he said. > > I said," I should have known". > > Another lesson learnt. > > Jo Greene. > > ++++++++++++++++++++ > Jo, CG for Dennis Greene 47/10 > [log in to unmask] > http://members.networx.net.au/~dennisg/ > ++++++++++++++++++++ >