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Girls, boys, men, women, gentlemen, ladies, regardless of what we call each other, there are still differences. Maybe the following will tickle you as it did me. :-}) Jeff [log in to unmask] This assignment was actually turned in by two English students: > > Rebecca <last name deleted> and Gary <last name deleted> > English 44A > SMU > Creative Writing > Prof Miller > > In-class Assignment for Wednesday > > "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. > The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person > sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write > the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the > first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The > first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and > forth. Remember to reread what has been written each time in order > to keep the story coherent. The story is over when both agree a > conclusion has been reached." > > The story begins ... > > --- > > At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The > camomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, > now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, > that he liked camomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, > keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if > she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. > So camomile was out of the question. > > Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack > squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to > think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named > Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. > "A.S. Harris to eostation 17," he said into his transgalactic > communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so > far..." But before he could sign off, a bluish particle beam flashed > out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The > jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across > the cockpit. > > He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he > felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one > woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterward, Earth > stopped its pointless hostilities toward the peaceful farmers of > Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space > Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news > simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, > dreaming of her youth -- when the days had passed unhurriedly and > carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her > from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around > her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she > pondered wistfully. > > Little did she know, but she has less than 10 seconds to live. > Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership > launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted > wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament > Treaty through Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the > hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. > Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian > ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to > pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them they swiftly > initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered > the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile > submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, > felt the inconceivably massive explosion which vaporized Laurie and > 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the > conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that > treaty! Let's blow'em out of the sky!" > > This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My > writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic, semi-literate adolescent. > > Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts > at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. > > You total $*&. > > Stupid %&#$! ---------- | | | |