 |
 |
------ =_NextPart_000_01BD04E5.9F88B380 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Hurrah Barbara, I loved your joke, keep them coming............ ---------- From: Barbara Mallut[SMTP:[log in to unmask]] Sent: Tuesday, December 09, 1997 3:18 AM To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN Subject: Humor Now that Bill Gates is moving into his new house, the following is a conversation heard last week: Bill: "There are a few issues we need to discuss." Contractor: "Ah, you have our basic support option. Calls are free for the first 90 days and $75 a call thereafter. Okay?" Bill: "Uh, yeah... the first issue is the living room. We think it's a little smaller than we anticipated." Contractor: "Yeah. Some compromises were made to have it out by the release date." Bill: "We won't be able to fit all our furniture in there." Contractor: "Well, you have two options. You can purchase a new, larger living room; or you can use a Stacker." Bill: "Stacker?" Contractor: "Yeah, it allows you to fit twice as much furniture into the room. By stacking it, of course, you put the entertainment center on the couch... the chairs on the table... etc. You leave an empty spot, so when you want to use some furniture you can unstack what you need and then put it back when you're done." Bill: "Uh... I dunno... issue two. The second issue is the light fixtures. The bulbs we brought with us from our old home won't fit. The threads run the wrong way." Contractor: "Oh! That's easy. Those bulbs aren't plug and play. You'll have to upgrade to the new bulbs." Bill: "And the electrical outlets? The holes are round, not rectangular. How do I fix that?" Contractor: "Just uninstall and reinstall the electrical system." Bill: "You're kidding!?" Contractor: "Nope. It's the only way." Bill: "<sigh Well... I have one last problem. Sometimes, when I have guests over, someone will flush the toilet and it won't stop. The water pressure drops so low that the showers don't work." Contractor: "That's a resource leakage problem. One fixture is failing to terminate and is hogging the resources preventing access from other fixtures." Bill: "And how do I fix that?" Contractor: "Well, after each flush, you all need to exit the house, turn off the water at the street, turn it back on, re-enter the house and then you can get back to work." Bill: "That's the last straw. What kind of product are you selling me?" Contractor: "Hey, if you don't like it, nobody made you buy it." Bill: "And when will this be fixed?" Contractor: "Oh, in your next house-which will be ready to release sometime near the end of next year. Actually it was due out this year, but we've had some delays..." --------------------- Subject: Personnel What is a human resource? Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement. Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing. If they have taken the table apart in that time, put them in Engineering. If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance. If they are screaming and waving their arms, send them off to Manufacturing. If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them. If they are sleeping, they are Management material. If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security And if they've left early, put them in Sales. --------------------------- NOTE from Barb: IF ya got this far, the next joke is a bit risqu=E9, so = if you're easily offended, ya might wanna stop here (or read on and have a = laugh) --------------------------- A lady goes into the bridal shop and wants a white wedding dress made for her fourth marriage. The clerk exclaims, "You can't have a white dress for your fourth marriage!" The lady asks, "Why?" The clerk explains, "Well, white dresses are for virgins. You've been married three times before so therefore you can't possibly want a white dress..." "I can too," says the lady, "because my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. My third husband was a stamp collector, GOD I MISS HIM ....." ------ =_NextPart_000_01BD04E5.9F88B380 Content-Type: application/ms-tnef Content-Transfer-Encoding: base64 eJ8+Ih4CAQaQCAAEAAAAAAABAAEAAQeQBgAIAAAA5AQAAAAAAADoAAENgAQAAgAAAAIAAgABBJAG AFABAAABAAAADAAAAAMAADADAAAACwAPDgAAAAACAf8PAQAAAFwAAAAAAAAAgSsfpL6jEBmdbgDd AQ9UAgAAAABQYXJraW5zb24ncyBJbmZvcm1hdGlvbiBFeGNoYW5nZQBTTVRQAFBBUktJTlNOQGxp c3RzZXJ2LnV0b3JvbnRvLmNhAB4AAjABAAAABQAAAFNNVFAAAAAAHgADMAEAAAAeAAAAUEFSS0lO U05AbGlzdHNlcnYudXRvcm9udG8uY2EAAAADABUMAQAAAAMA/g8GAAAAHgABMAEAAAAjAAAAJ1Bh cmtpbnNvbidzIEluZm9ybWF0aW9uIEV4Y2hhbmdlJwAAAgELMAEAAAAjAAAAU01UUDpQQVJLSU5T TkBMSVNUU0VSVi5VVE9ST05UTy5DQQAAAwAAOQAAAAALAEA6AQAAAAIB9g8BAAAABAAAAAAAAAOw RgEIgAcAGAAAAElQTS5NaWNyb3NvZnQgTWFpbC5Ob3RlADEIAQSAAQAKAAAAUkU6IEh1bW9yAPwC AQWAAwAOAAAAzQcMAAkAFQABAB0AAgAeAQEggAMADgAAAM0HDAAJABUAAQAHAAIACAEBCYABACEA AABDNzA1MjI0Q0Q4NzBEMTExQkFBOTg4NkEwNEMxMDYyNwD/BgEDkAYAJA0AABIAAAALACMAAAAA AAMAJgAAAAAACwApAAAAAAADADYAAAAAAEAAOQCgq8eHDwW9AR4AcAABAAAACgAAAFJFOiBIdW1v cgAAAAIBcQABAAAAFgAAAAG9BQ+Hx0wiBchw2BHRuqmIagTBBicAAB4AHgwBAAAABQAAAFNNVFAA AAAAHgAfDAEAAAAPAAAAbWFnb256QGlibS5uZXQAAAMABhBO4aY6AwAHEGoNAAAeAAgQAQAAAGUA AABIVVJSQUhCQVJCQVJBLElMT1ZFRFlPVVJKT0tFLEtFRVBUSEVNQ09NSU5HLS0tLS0tLS0tLUZS T006QkFSQkFSQU1BTExVVFNNVFA6QkFSQk1TTkBDTEFTU0lDTVNOQ09NU0VOAAAAAAIBCRABAAAA vAsAALgLAACBFgAATFpGdcpvvtf/AAoBDwIVAqgF6wKDAFAC8gkCAGNoCsBzZXQyNwYABsMCgzID xQIAcHJCcRHic3RlbQKDM3cC5AcTAoB9CoAIzwnZO/EWDzI1NQKACoENsQtg4G5nMTAzFFALChRR JQvyYwBAIEgIcHJhKGggQgrAYgrAYSwoIEkgFaB2CYAgecEIYSBqb2tlG9Ac4KBlcCB0aBPgIAWg cm0LgGcuHikKhQqLbBBpMTgwAtFpLTE8NDQN8AzQIMMLWTE21wqgA2AT0GMFQC0i5wqH1yGbDDAi ZkYDYToj7iJmHwyCG1YF0AdACkB0W1NQTVRQOhtiXwXgTgBAQ0xBU1NJQ4IuKTEuQ09NXSOPXySd BmACMCXPJttUClBzaGRheRvQRAWQE+BiEQSQIDA5G9AxOTmwNyAzOiBAFLBNKn8ZJJ1Ubyy/JttN dWyidAUgbGUgFhBjBSDnCJACMAQgb2YcAAQABUDAUEFSS0lOKUAwv/ErjnViaiKhMt8m2xrwzQRg ch7vH/MzNiFnGkVZImZObwfgHXBhBUBCuwMQAyBHPvAHkQQAIARgjnYd8T/AAjBvIGg/0XpuB9Fo CGARsBvQHXEg3wIQKEA+oEAzBCBhCoUdsW5uHDARoD7waQIgQLBlKwsRHABhNkF3CeBrOo87nELW PyI5YCAiVB2A/xYQQrBHMkHgB9EEAS6hRMFXQPEcQUCRZAQAY0Fgc/wuIkWdCFACMBsgIrAFsLlG wkFoG9AccUCwYRwwTzXgHJEbkACQYyBIIHDecBWxNeAFMEPhLkqBKDH/QqFHMQNQCeBC1gIQBcBB s+ZpEaAFQDkwSRAu4EKhom4cUCQ3NUeRYygxOx1iFhBhAYAEkE3RT2ttLuA/Sa5GhlVLkkQwaP8e IU+ZSAM/wkGyICBAIwNguwNwTdFXNSAdcAuAaz/A+HQnc0LWKAAgIAJANRH+cwDAKEAvgT7RA6BI cQBwtzTgNWE/gWRJn0qsWVSi/UMwUwNwNSAdwSJhHeARsP9IUkcxAMANsEjiTANX8ExB+QVAYnkd YkLWFhA1EESQvzUgLtAT0Fr/RoZXYXcCIP4nX9FHQQJgXuMgkAVAUXLtHIJmCHADAHQIcFXxA6C/ UbNhn0qsV2AoQEupdGNQd01lSYBDMFlL0VFgA6Bw3whwEXFhISgAQQEsQtYLYOxyZy+BVok7NeAF wEvC12pCQWFHkVMBkGMc4FJA/2GvRpVuRVLPXA9LkWR0PqB/BCBLwmQ1aSBMwEdBP+F1vxFwZRtA kELWQbJW9UJgAPcTwG5hQDN0G9A18QWgCHD/QXJLwmqAdDFBwSyBBJABkP8LgAeAAjAdsHmzQtZD 8UGy/3hxEXBU1hFxT/F7ZgGRNRD7VNIRwGNp1WDxTCEDkRPgtQUweULWc00geBFzQKDudx2AA6BL wndaQUjibeL/gIBdcWUobWcAgG5SgKE+8f8ccULWSKNQwh1xamJVkV/R64O0gNQnRzFkAiBmP1PJ y1TSG/Bkg3Bub1TSVbR/aSFN0UcBTOAFkVDRVb1n5Gh0TudpeGVyacKK8qpiNMBiSFNiA2B1jJH/ RMBX8BtAQWBOkQNwTEMG8P8cUEFAXXFjVGRhHtaK4x1wtVHhZAQgcoNwQaN3A2AbQEGBQHmHn0qs T2ghf4rSPvBYEHmgRJCTwIrSb/9hIY40R2FjcgtQjvBQswtRd5PAQtZqASc/QWjUgaFwfwnAXsVB skECjjOT30aGQf+FVHmgNRAisAUQUWFfojUQ/TXAP4rUQUA1EE5EjtFQ0P8b0InQjLc1QQGQGRA0 wArA/U3RSD6hh1Ab4Y1BPsNwt/1KnUpBYAVAg3ALgHdxP0H/UMIWEKU2nc2WoBPCm/9GhreZgkcx d7BkSSAZECFwv9tKrD6QcIeAQzBJlkJBst0CIGxgAJOvRlk8AJCMkP9XUShAiURMBEEARHQiYWPx /1ciXVI04AeBG9CAs7BEQtb/obAHkDXCQ4GAYgeAsLID8N8/QRjgQWAbQH1TbwMQEcD/ULNfgWNU E8BNcE3QRwFC1n+BQHrJE1AHkEgghyIDYHD/BCCAgUIhPsRBsrWQPqBDkeeHQmOBY1Bya63fSqyW Ff8oAI2RCGF0gWDxUpBsILE5/k+wwY1FP8FO5wtwICAZEP92F5sBBJAd4T+BtmQEIEFA/GdnQDJ2 k77FBCC5IRww/1pRQEEA0MURj6ZRsozPre//nRm7IaJvvG9nj1IDlnF1As+1ckukUXJIpmV4dCKf Y/9BYnYXZTE14TYAkwO4YkKw/7q1StAJ4HgR0NOGFgIgG9D9FhAtebPPqFg3hVZtZmwg/4YlQJG7 /0ZMljNWQ0SS0nH8YXdXMj7id7EcUDXxImH/iaAisUdiS8IRsChAwgkHgPPK/0qsSGUu8QaQS7O7 lN8gIBzgd/OJ0AbgZGAAXrP/S8KOMGAAkVHXz50ZgLO1E/9XkQQgY7GNQQmA3a+U7nLh34DjBcBB AI1gQTQtgLBMwP8bQLUTY7GSYmABQKBg1X+n/7H1QPEKwXl020Pok1SRUkL6QSKwdSgx4mKBMbtx VeF/X7LlEkLW7YIb0I4wRLIn/0whEYAcUIIDDbCYwcgAHiD/5f0i6POJCoU49zZgQ5ECIP1BAGw7 nNrDQpJAsDtQA5FzvrafIURvB5EccwWwZ7kAcGl6Q8TScY7wZzUR349DYCixRdtVrHByrXFkYf/F s6xwTXBkBBzAjmCfId+Q/8Dz94JQwWAAV6GMtk9iCfD/uWFAMkggxhRlwf4RmKIvQf8sgYrCv2BX cr+jgCAioVaQf07Wf1EVoFSQ+ORHU0rQef/EM0CgAfOYZHlEHaBlwb6R/1cBjzStU0LGfZOFNGkx fLT9TdFMftMdc6VwsLJPY2kx/0FBEaCycY9RX7KBUH+WpTL3+lADoU2zQXlW20O6hLIx/RvQZ0Cg hkNQwkFwYzG6lb8IcRYQNvWHUB3yO5xJ0UP//2Fo4wLBfTlCsDchVZFl0vcPhwbJQtZFGRAaAB0w ALL/Eq8RV3hixaRBsvCRNcFlxP90oYyg2mAu8e7Ar3Fl0wsQ9XX4RsMhbi9AGI8ZmElA/1HhwxGY VIFAQCMW4XzgR1H+bbJhQXCFVPwS0UF2Bygg/G51wcDuARhPGVylYXez/5r1fLTNIPWn91QQENuw gBPfT1ZXICRfH1g1EGU1gBfgf0GTGdQjcb+BekNesHrBab+lcCl/EVS7lMVyujFvEHC/TQCAqNQ4 VvIcT0LlUz5Q/wChf4c29Z2C3+ERYvDyWRD/zVCWcfyxFotdQKVwjaHyb0M4T/QsTk9URY+0QuUS IGJGwUlG6DAoMu9Uf8GxtGGbJOixAbDg0r5yYgNkcQCwc3F1XCdl/jmAY9/gEeWG5WEBtiBgAP/R IezB5cBLoW4gXgCPA4FQ7yxwtzNEEUcxKABBkmJ7YtdQwkwDWLFhjvEpN79FX/8znWvh4YEQEJ/B ddIatACw/2FQp2HD8DAAIIR6sD2C6UH/w1FeYKoDuaHGMl6y/8lmAe8AIQCg+uFesHItQWwgt4P/ XZBZgRBwz2BN4HoQIbKpYv9qMmOBQ4VKIxHmSxMAMuhDvUydIeX2ivJHc+7Aa06y/drAeeXnTaqY saUxVAJoQ/9KJEsDn8UAMmyAbBClMaIA/5mCsydjsIDRTQPPApJRkiH/sjJjoQAxgeJl5FsTbWWX 8v+XEK9wCTCtgnphCJZWqfIpjiKJgNZy/eBvLCKncH/x8dml4YBOwWOwnnBt4m1//NL1wOjB6QAQ QCCTKBN5/2swe+C6QMQgt0AR5UNCpXL/0XN6sc8TyiHusi+j9zKRZ95Nd1GLRGJ8ueB5arAtUP+e QbERZI9llF3G7sEl8giA7+FgheNm6e9xcmfug5EEcB970e5A9UEAQNBGR09EIYlxTUlTU/5wSU1O IIlB8j/i4mRcjHAzjDYw4uBVwlxmM3NAfHMyctGTUHrA2+ER5X0FEeAAdQADABAQAAAAAAMAERAA AAAAQAAHMGAZwHoPBb0BQAAIMGAZwHoPBb0BHgA9AAEAAAAFAAAAUkU6IAAAAABONw== ------ =_NextPart_000_01BD04E5.9F88B380--