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hi john you wrote: >> i don't think he meant that he was 'demanding' that she call him] >I ddid mean order in the sense "demand", but I put the "" around >it to indicate the fact that I did not mean it as an actual command... oops, my mistake [sorry, barb] >that kind of a man. I wouldn't DREAM of actually commanding someone. >Just so you all know!! I meant to convey that I, uh, my english is >failing me, pleaded(?) asked her very insistently, to call. john, your command of english is admirable much, much better than my command of swedish! and, look, there is that darn 'command' word again! english is the only language that has so many different words that mean the same thing or almost the same thing that a thesaurus can be almost as necessary as a dictionary >We have to talk about this, >dealing with something as difficult as this by mail >is just not an option, I think. in letters, you have the opportunity/benefit of time and reflection while in phone calls, the 'adrenaline' of the immediate emotion can be either a help or a hindrance >> you cannot 'make her understand' >> all you can do is present information to her >> and allow her to digest it and make up her own mind >Good, heavens, is that how I sound??? no, john, that is not how you sounded to me now it is my problem to explain what i meant! i did not echo your use of the word 'make' because i thought it too forceful sounding, rather, emphasizing the idea that one cannot create or induce understanding in someone else's brain whew! >... I was simply trying to say that I am trying to give > her a more nuanced image of PD, and by that I hope I can > 'make' her understasnd that it isn't a death sentence... english can be so tricky... maybe this would work better to reflect your [and my] meaning if you said 'help her to understand' ??? the lessons we need to learn in an international forum include english for everybody, even the english-speaking members! >I might seem pretty fluent, but when it comes to the tone of a >letter, it's hard for me to be as precise as I would wish. and again, john, you do an excellent job we english speakers have enough trouble understanding each other sometimes! >> >IF she is the right girl for you she will tell you... >Yes, re-reading her letter shows that even though >she is very very afraid, she loves me very much. >She cares about me, and actually she says that she wants >to share her life with me whatever it will be like. >I just didn't take that in when reading about her fear. >I have hope for us, still. aha! that sounds wonderful! maybe your own fears blinded your vision a bit as you were reading about her fears ?!? >...It would be fantaastic if she really wants me, >but I know I can live by myself and have a good life >even if she doesn't. ... that sounds very positive! that's one of the things i have learned recently we can only truly learn how to love others after we have learned to love ourselves with love to you and yours your cyber-sibling janet janet [log in to unmask]