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Dear Barb and John, what about my "wonderful" "pidgeon English"!!! I`m always telling my friends on chat or here: please don`t laugh of me - but with me:-))))) Sonia NEVER GIVE UP ---------- > Fra: Barbara Mallut <[log in to unmask]> > Til: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN <[log in to unmask]> > Emne: Re: Help comfort a panicking SO > Dato: 11. december 1997 21:49 > > Oh John... please, please DON'T strive for any MORE "perfection" in your use > of English! You come across as so very fluent and comfortable as you use the > language NOW... > > Should YOU reach perfection, then all the REST of us will have to go back to > school and re-learn the language just to keep up with ya! <smile> Besides, > John... perfection is kinda boring and predictable and YOU wouldn't wanna be > thought of as THAT, would ya? (John quickly shakes his head and says, "NO > WAY!") <giggle> > > Barb Mallut > [log in to unmask] > > ---------- > From: Parkinson's Information Exchange on behalf of John I Quist > Sent: Thursday, December 11, 1997 1:22 AM > To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN > Subject: Re: Help comfort a panicking SO > > Hello Janet, > > > i don't mean this to cause you more anxiety > > but is there a possibility > > that maybe her feelings have changed since the summer romance ? > > that maybe her reaction to the pd is an 'out' for her ? > > Hm, no I don't think so. At least that is NOT how her last letter > sounded, but oh yes, I am definitely considering that it might be a fact. > > > [a side note to barb mallut: > > i think by 'order' john is referring to > > something like a 'money order' which can be used for a phone call > > i don't think he meant that he was 'demanding' that she call him] > > I ddid mean order in the sense "demand", but I put the "" around it to > indicate the fact that I did not mean it as an actual command... I am not > that kind of a man. I wouldn't DREAM of actually commanding someone. Just > so you all know!! I meant to convey that I, uh, my english is failing > me, pleaded(?) asked her very insistently, to call. We have to talk about > this, dealing with something as difficult as this by mail is just not an > option, I think. > > > you cannot 'make her understand' > > all you can do is present information to her > > and allow her to digest it and make up her own mind > > Good, heavens, is that how I sound??? > No, no, no.... Again, I am not the kind of person who demands, bullies > and coerces the people around me. Of course I let her make her own mind > up, I'm no monster. How could I force her to love me?? That cannot be > done, I know that. I was simply trying to say that I am trying to give > her a more nuanced image of PD, and by that I hope I can 'make' her > understasnd that it isn't a death sentence. > > I think this is a problem with my English. I don't know enough to really > get all the nuances right! So, everybody please understand that I AM a > foreigner, I do not speak English as my "main" language! I might seem > pretty fluent, but when it comes to the tone of a letter, it's hard for > me to be as precise as I would wish. > > > there is always hope > > but the situation with pd now is at its brightest ever > > Yup, that's what I was trying to "make" Esther understand... ;) > > > i have every right to my feelings, as all of us do, > > but if they are based on a false premise or a distorted viewpoint > > then they are invalid and unjustified > > and potentially harmful > > Indeed. > > > after diagnosis and after learning more about pd > > the fear has vanished > > i remain hopeful and even excited about the future > > Exactly the point I was trying to convey in my letter to Esther. She is > fearful about me becoming as ill as her grandfather was when he died ten > years ago. > > > >...BUT John, let her find herself because > > >IF she is the right girl for you she will tell you... > > Yes, re-reading her letter shows that even though she is very very afraid, > she loves me very much. She cares about me, and actually she says that > she wants to share her life with me whatever it will be like. I just > didn't take that in when reading about her fear. I have hope for us, still. > > > and with camilla: > > >... waiting this out is terribly hard! > > >But it sounds like she needs time to adjust her thinking > > >-- and of course her feelings -- to the new situation ... > > Yes, I do think so too. I mean, I have had over a year to adapt to the > thought of having a potentially crippling disease, first MS, now PD. It > will of course be a (long) while before she comes through this. I just > wish I could be close to her when she needs my support so much! > > > and with barb: > > >... she should think about HERSELF > > >before she thinks about YOU ... > > Yes to that too. At first those words sound harsh(?), but of course that > is the way it must be! She must think about what this might mean for her > life, and if she really wants to live with me. I wouldn't want it any > other way. I don't want her to choose me out of some misguided feeling of > duty! Oh, no. > > > it strikes me right now > > that the reverse of this applies to you > > you have to think of yourself first as well > > > > if she still loves you, great... > > but your happiness cannot be dependent on her [or anyone else] loving you > > :) You know, that's exactly what my psychologist told me the day before > yesterday! That's something that has grown in me during the last half > year, and I am starting to take it into my heart, finally. > It would be fantaastic if she really wants me, but I know I can live by > myself and have a good life even if she doesn't. It would be hard to lose > someone as wonderful as Esther, but that is the way it is sometimes.... > > > as novices > > we think we're entirely responsible > > for the way people treat us > > i have long since learned > > that we are responsible > > only for the way we treat people > > > > rose lane > > I liked that one. It is true. > > Hugs to you all. I might not answer all your letters at once (I'm at work > right now, and I should get back to what I'm supposed to do) but I will, > in time. Thank you all for caring, and please remember that if my wording > sounds hard, it might be because I do not have full mastery of the > English language... > > /John