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Just have a nice weekend friends and relax : ---------------------------------------------------- 1. Ouch A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as the ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist and offered to help ease his pain. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly. "Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted; and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside, beginning to massage him. "Does that feel better?" she asked. "It feels great," he replied. "But my thumb still hurts like hell!" __________ 2. Sarge A General retired after 35 years and realized a life-long dream of buying a bird-hunting estate in South Dakota. He invited an old friend to visit for a week of pheasant-shooting. The friend was in awe of the General's new gun dog, "Sarge". The dog could point, flush and retrieve with the very best, the friend offered to buy the dog at any price. The General declined, saying that Sarge was the very best bird dog he had ever owned and that he couldn't part with him. Six months later the same friend returned for another week of hunting and was surprised to find the General breaking in a new dog. "What happened to Sarge?" he asked. "Had to shoot him," the General replied. A friend came to hunt with me and couldn't remember the dog's name. He kept calling him "Colonel" ...After that, all he would do was sit on his ass and bark. __________ 3. Spain An American tourist went into a restaurant in a Spanish provincial city for dinner, and asked to be served the specialty of the house. When the dish arrived, he asked what kind of meat it contained. "Sir, these are the cojones,' the waiter replied. The what?' exclaimed the tourist. 'They are testicles of the bull killed in the ring today, 'explained the waiter. The tourist gulped, but tasted it anyway and found it to be delicious. Returning the following evening, he asked for the same dish. After he finished the meal, the tourist commented to the waiter, 'Today's cojones are much smaller than the ones I had yesterday.' That's very true, sir,' said the waiter. 'You see, the bull, he does not always lose.' _________ Cheers, +----| Joao Paulo de Carvalho |------ + | [log in to unmask] | +--------| Salvador-Bahia-Brazil |------+