 |
 |
<LOL> Thanks Bruce! Those Hanukkah jokes were a first for this Jewish girl! I'm just wondering how your spell checker responded when hit by THIS message! <grin> Barb Mallut [log in to unmask] ---------- From: Parkinson's Information Exchange on behalf of B. Bruce Anderson Sent: Saturday, December 27, 1997 3:53 AM To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN Subject: Fw: A few Hanukkah jokes Subject: A few Hanukkah jokes >WHAT TO DO ON CHRISTMAS EVE > - Submitted by Craig Steinberg > --------------------------------- > >Twas the night before Christmas, and we, being Jews, >My girlfriend and me -- we had nothing to do. >The Gentiles were home, hanging stocking with care, >Secure in their knowledge St. Nick would be there. > >But for us, once the Hanukkah candles burned down, >There was nothing but boredom all over town. >The malls and the theaters were all closed up tight; >There weren't any concerts to go to that night. > >A dance would have saved us, some ballroom or swing, >But we searched through the papers; there wasn't a thing. >Outside the window sat two feet of snow; >With the wind-chill, they said it was fifteen below. > >And while all I could do was sit there and brood, >My girl saved the night and called out "CHINESE FOOD!" >So we ran to the closet, grabbed hats, mitts and boots -- >To cover out heads, our hands, and our foots. > > > Top 10 Reasons to Like Hanukkah > - Submitted by A. Lawson > ---------------------------------------- > >10. No roof damage from reindeer > >9. Never a silent night when you're among your Jewish loved ones > >8. If someone screws up on their gift, there are seven more > days to correct it > >7. Betting Hanukkah gelt (the chocholate coins) on candle races > >6. You can use your fireplace > >5. Naked spin-the-dreidel games > >4. Fun waxy buildup on the menorah > >3. No awkward explanations of virgin birth > >2. Cheer optional > >1. No Irving Berlin songs > > > The Eight Days of Hanukkah > - Submitted by M. Maier > ---------------------------------- >On the first night of Hanukkah my true love gave to me > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > >On the second night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > >On the third night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > >On the fourth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 4 potato latkes > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > >On the fifth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 5 bowls of chicken soup > 4 potato latkes > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > >On the sixth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 6 pickled herrings > 5 bowls of chicken soup > 4 potato latkes > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > >On the seventh night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 7 noodle kugels > 6 pickled herrings > 5 bowls of chicken soup > 4 potato latkes > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > >On the eighth night of Hanukkah, my true love gave to me > 8 Alka- Seltzer > 7 noodle kugels > 6 pickled herrings > 5 bowls of chicken soup > 4 potato latkes > 3 pounds of corned beef > 2 Kosher pickles and > Lox, bagels and some cream cheese > >PS: >For the Israeli version, substitute 1 Falafel ball , 2 spoons of >Hummos, 3 liters of Tehina, 4 plates of salads, 5 glasses of eshkoliot >(grapefruit juice), 6 bags of pita, 7 mouthfuls of ful and 8 greps >