Jo, Jim, and other List-family....
Ya know, m'dears, I think in an odd way the person with an obvious disability
or disease is NOT "invisible" to others at all. In fact, I've come full
circle in viewing folks who somehow don't see the disabled person standing
right in front of them and even speaking to them is seeing a very, VERY
visible person... too visible for them NOT to see us without turning away or
speaking around us to whomever is with us.
These individuals are SOOO uncomfortable at what they're confronted with when
forced to deal with and/or acknowledge a person with an obvious disease or
disability that they actually TRY to blank us out not only visually, but they
ALSO blank us out MENTALLY, i.e., when we've left their proximity, they have
no recollection of our having been there (even if they've talked with us).
I think we're VERY visible... but our being visible unfortunately causes SOME
people to develop "instant amnesia" due to fear. I believe it's up to US and
our families and caregivers to make an effort to break thru that "instant
amnesia," by publicly making our presence known with a "HI.. I'm HEEEEERE,"
"in-your-face" type attitude (waving arms and jumping up and down) <well, you
get the idea> (smile)
Finally, it's beneficial for us to remember that another person's "instant
amnesia" is not directed at us in a PERSONAL way. After all, the "amnesic"
doesn't' even know us as an individual. They're being forced to deal with
their OWN fears, problems, and mortality when they're confronted by a disabled
person. And it's their OWN fears that causes that instant amnesia" of
theirs... not US as individuals.
(Group "In-your-face happening" to follow)
OK.... ALL TOGETHER NOW! Everybody virtually wave while jumping up and down
and loudly chanting "HIIIIIIII.... I'M HEEEEEERE!!" <giggle>
Ohhh, ya done that SOOO well! NOW - just remember to do that when you're out
in public! <smile>
Barb Mallut
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From: Parkinson's Information Exchange on behalf of Dennis Greene
Sent: Thursday, January 08, 1998 12:42 AM
To: Multiple recipients of list PARKINSN
Subject: A posting from Jo, re: Invisibility
Dear Jim
When your letter came through the list, and Den showed it to me, it
was a reassuring confirmation,that I wasn't imaginating things
myself. I suppose that 'reassuring' isn't maybe the best word,
because as a result of peoples treatment, I don't feel reassured at
all!
It was amazing that your post came through a matter of hours after we
had been discussing the very same thing. It had occurred to me for
some time, months, maybe longer, that people just don't 'see' Den.
They see him but don't really SEE him.Your description of a 'Jim
shaped blob' is sadly accurate but very true. Den doesn't have to
shave off a beard not to be noticed by some people - he just stands
there and isn't seen,or worse, is seen but not acknowledged as a
thinking , functioning, human being.
That very day you wrote I ran into someone who I hadn't seen for a
while. Den was right at my shoulder- just standing. She fixed a gaze
on me and conversed, actively avoiding any eye contact with Den,
(who she knew) I wondered when she was going to ask him how he was
(not feeling that I should point out the fact) - since when I'd seen
her in the past she would ask how he was, but it never happened. I
must confess that it bothered me, but Den said well 'that's how some
people are.' I said 'why must it be?' . There are ads around that
promote giving sufferers of mental illness a go, you know, 'see the
person not the problem', but people don't, you know.
Some friends of ours (he has parks) went into a shop for a watch.
.He asked what they had (he was dyskinetic) and the shop assistant
asked THE WIFE, " What sort of watch would he like?" (I ask you!!!)
"Not one from this shop anyway," he said,and they left!!
I know in my hearts of hearts that it is the other people's problem,
they are uncomfortable, uneasy, etc. but I don't feel any better,and
I don't suppose other sufferers/carers do either. You have touched a
spot here. Thank you. I think that what is sad is that everybody
has something to offer, and because of a disability which prevents
some being 'read' as they rightly should be, their life is a bit
like being on a carousel - travelling around ( like everybody else),
seeing the fair (like everybody else), but because you can't be
'seen' they don't slow it down enough to let you get off and have a
go and maybe win at something down at the fair, and, let's face it
everyone should be welcome at the fair!!!
Oh yes,(good luck at the bank!!!)
Jo, CG for -
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Dennis Greene 48/10
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http://members.networx.net.au/~dennisg/
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