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>Subject: Courtroom humor. > >Recently reported in the Massachusetts Bar Association Lawyer's Journal, the >following are questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during >trials and, in some cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses: > >1) "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he >doesn't know about it until the next morning?" > >2) "The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he? > >3) Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" > A: "No." > Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?" > A: "No." > Q: "Did you check for breathing?" > A: "No." > Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the >autopsy?" > A: "No." > Q: "How can you be sure, Doctor?" > A: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." > Q: "But could the patient still have been alive, nevertheless?" > A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law >somewhere." > >4) "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" > >5) "You were there until the time you left, is that true?" > >6) "Was it you or your younger brother that was killed in the war?" > >7) "Did he kill you?" > >8) Q: "She had three children, right?" > A: "Yes." > Q: "How many were boys?" > A: "None." > Q: "Were there any girls?" > >9) Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" > A: "Yes." > Q: "And these stairs, did they also go up?" > >10) Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?" > A: "I went to Europe, Sir." > Q: "And you took your new wife?" > >11) Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice >which I sent to your attorney?" > A: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work." > >12) Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?" > A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead people." > >13) Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" > A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m." > Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" > A: "No, he was sitting up on the table wondering why I was doing an >autopsy." > >14) Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?" > A: "Oral." > >15) Q: "You were not shot in the fracas?" > A: "No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel." > >16) Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?" > A: "I have been since early childhood."