> * If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? > * For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. > * Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? > * Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! > * I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol > * I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder. > * Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm > * Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines > * Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese > * I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week > * I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met > * I intend to live forever - so far, so good > * I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy > * If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough! > * Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! > * Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States > * Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of. > * Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have > * Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion. > * The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. > * When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. > * Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. > * If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they. > * Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ... > * 24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? > * If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked > something. > * Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. > * When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. > * Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film. > * If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? > * Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? > * What happens if you get scared half to death twice? > * Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. > * I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone. > * I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. > * Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. > * How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink? > * Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them. > * Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor. > * Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms! > * OK, so what's the speed of dark? > * Black holes are where God divided by zero. > * All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand. > * I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.