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Good Morning, All, I couldn't sleep so, of course I headed straight to the computer to see what new messages I had. Reading the posts is a big part of my day. I read the one from the gentleman who skied with his wife. I could feel the love in that letter and I was so happy for them. But, I have to admit that I was a little jealous, too. This is a hard e-mail to write because it's so personal and so painful. My "caregiver" is my spouse. We have no relatives where we live(southern California) The closest ones are Kansas City or Florida My husband is a good man but he seems to be totally lacking in sensitivity. He provides well for me and provides all the practical necessities. But his way of dealing with my problem is to stay at the office very late at night, so it is bedtime when he gets home, often I'm already in bed. I asked him this weekend why he doesn't ever talk to me about PD. He said "I know enough about PD--it's a progressive disease, your life's going downhill and you'll die..just accept it and get on with life". I tried to tell him how much it meant to me to be able to talk to the one I love about it but it fell on deaf ears. I try really hard to stay positive and most of the time I am, but today it feels like everything bad is falling on my shoulders. The dr. has told me it's time to retire. I'm having so much trouble with my balance that I now have to use a cane. Up till now no one could look at me and see that anything was wrong. Now my "secret" is out. I'm not really vain, but it just makes PD so much more "real" to me. This seems to be going so fast--I was only diagnosed 5 mo. ago! I had a job that I loved and was good at--and now I don't think I could go thru a day there.. I was the Postmaster of my city and had 60 employees. I took great pride in my job and worked darn hard to get where I was. I hope this doesn't sound like total whining, but so many times I have heard members say "we're there for you". I'm a proud person who never asks for help. But I'm asking now. Surely I can't be the only one of the 1600 of you who don't have supportive caregivers, How do you manage the emotional aspect of it? Any of you with loving caregivers have any ideas. I have joined a support group and they are wonderful, but it is about 50 mi away so its not practical to try to spend time with them in between meetings. I have always been so busy with my job that I never really had time to develop friendships here and we have only lived in California for 7 years. I'm sorry to sound like a whiner, but it all just feels like it is crashing down on my head right now and I'm feeling a little sorry for myself. Something I don't do often.. Maybe this is just part of the depression that comes with PD and I'm taking so much medicine that that could be contributing to it too--and if none of those work I guess I could always "Blame it on the Bosanova". In a very short time, all of you listmembers have become very important to me. Thanks for listening. I'll try to be more positive in the future. Thanks to you all for listening. It means a lot. Love to you all, Claudia Goldberg 53/5 mo. Lots of meds [log in to unmask]