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A major problem with any chronic illness is that it often means that one
party has to retire from the workforce earlier than planned for. Spouses =
are
thrown together for much longer periods of the day than was the case =
when
one of them was working. As one woman remarked "I married him for =
better or
for worse, but not for lunch!)" <grin>.
This enforced 'togetherness' can be very trying for both parties, unless =
it
has been discussed and planned for. For example, a man who has always =
had a
company vehicle available to him throughout the day, now finds himself
relying on access to the family car. Meanwhile, his wife now finds that
where the family car was available to her at any time during the day, =
now
finds that she has to negotiate with her husband for access.
Similar types of scenario apply to parents and children. In essence, it
means that both parties, sufferer and care-giver, are forced into each
others company for longer periods each day, and that there are less =
moments
of privacy for each.
Then there is the problem of increased work load for the care-giver, and
increased idleness for the sufferer. Both of these aspects can lead to
increased aggression and frustration unless controlled.
These aspects of lessened privacy and increasing frustration are not =
given
enough prominence in discussions concerning depression. A sudden and
dramatic change of lifestyle, especially if perceived to be for the =
worse,
will precipitate depressive episodes in the most reasonable of people.
The answer for those newly placed in, or contemplating this situation, =
is to
make themselves aware of the needs of both parties, and to plan a =
reasoned
and fair distribution of workloads, and access to facilities, together =
with
a planned approach to 'oases of privacy', where each can recover from
feelings of frustration, etc., consider the happenings of the day in a =
quite
and non-threatening atmosphere, and generally 'get one's breath back.'
Where the situation has existed for some time, it will often be =
necessary
for an unbiased third party, who has the welfare of both parties at =
heart,
to step in. This person may be another family member, a minister of
religion, a social worker, etc. That person must have good 'person' =
skills,
a working knowledge of the problems involved, and a sincere interest in =
the
wellbeing of both parties.
The worst possible situation is where a third party is biased on behalf =
of
one party. This can only worsen the problem. If that seems to be the =
only
option, it is time to seek professional help.
Sometimes respite care is needed, mainly for the care-giver to relax in =
an
environment away from responsibility. This can also assist the =
sufferer,
who can gain time to re-assess the relationship, and in a =
non-threatening
atmosphere, to plan ways of decreasing tension. Both parties also need =
time
to talk things over with a sympathetic listener, who nevertheless must =
not
take sides, but attempt to find a solution agreeable to both parties, an
'honest broker.' The person must also not be perceived as =
'interfering', by
either party.
Realising the possibilities of the dangerous situations above, and the
deleterious affect on the health and emotional stability of the parties,
family members and friends can often forestall problems before they =
occur.
Jim - 59/13 - Sinemet, Eldepryl
--------------------------------------
Jim Slattery - [log in to unmask]
Central West PD Web
http://www.bec.net.au/~cwpdg/
--------------------------------------
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<DIV>A major problem with any chronic illness is that it often means =
that=20
one<BR>party has to retire from the workforce earlier than planned for. =
Spouses=20
are<BR>thrown together for much longer periods of the day than was the =
case=20
when<BR>one of them was working. As one woman remarked "I =
married him=20
for better or<BR>for worse, but not for lunch!)" =
<grin>.<BR><BR>This=20
enforced 'togetherness' can be very trying for both parties, unless =
it<BR>has=20
been discussed and planned for. For example, a man who has always had=20
a<BR>company vehicle available to him throughout the day, now finds=20
himself<BR>relying on access to the family car. Meanwhile, his =
wife now=20
finds that<BR>where the family car was available to her at any time =
during the=20
day, now<BR>finds that she has to negotiate with her husband for=20
access.<BR><BR>Similar types of scenario apply to parents and =
children. In=20
essence, it<BR>means that both parties, sufferer and care-giver, are =
forced into=20
each<BR>others company for longer periods each day, and that there are =
less=20
moments<BR>of privacy for each.<BR><BR>Then there is the problem of =
increased=20
work load for the care-giver, and<BR>increased idleness for the =
sufferer. =20
Both of these aspects can lead to<BR>increased aggression and =
frustration unless=20
controlled.<BR><BR>These aspects of lessened privacy and increasing =
frustration=20
are not given<BR>enough prominence in discussions concerning =
depression. A=20
sudden and<BR>dramatic change of lifestyle, especially if perceived to =
be for=20
the worse,<BR>will precipitate depressive episodes in the most =
reasonable of=20
people.<BR><BR>The answer for those newly placed in, or contemplating =
this=20
situation, is to<BR>make themselves aware of the needs of both parties, =
and to=20
plan a reasoned<BR>and fair distribution of workloads, and access to =
facilities,=20
together with<BR>a planned approach to 'oases of privacy', where each =
can=20
recover from<BR>feelings of frustration, etc., consider the happenings =
of the=20
day in a quite<BR>and non-threatening atmosphere, and generally 'get =
one's=20
breath back.'<BR><BR>Where the situation has existed for some time, it =
will=20
often be necessary<BR>for an unbiased third party, who has the welfare =
of both=20
parties at heart,<BR>to step in. This person may be another family =
member,=20
a minister of<BR>religion, a social worker, etc. That person must =
have=20
good 'person' skills,<BR>a working knowledge of the problems involved, =
and a=20
sincere interest in the<BR>wellbeing of both parties.<BR><BR>The worst =
possible=20
situation is where a third party is biased on behalf of<BR>one =
party. This=20
can only worsen the problem. If that seems to be the =
only<BR>option, it is=20
time to seek professional help.<BR><BR>Sometimes respite care is needed, =
mainly=20
for the care-giver to relax in an<BR>environment away from =
responsibility. =20
This can also assist the sufferer,<BR>who can gain time to re-assess the =
relationship, and in a non-threatening<BR>atmosphere, to plan ways of =
decreasing=20
tension. Both parties also need time<BR>to talk things over with a =
sympathetic listener, who nevertheless must not<BR>take sides, but =
attempt to=20
find a solution agreeable to both parties, an<BR>'honest broker.' =
The=20
person must also not be perceived as 'interfering', by<BR>either=20
party.<BR><BR>Realising the possibilities of the dangerous situations =
above, and=20
the<BR>deleterious affect on the health and emotional stability of the=20
parties,<BR>family members and friends can often forestall problems =
before they=20
occur.<BR><BR>Jim - 59/13 - Sinemet,=20
Eldepryl<BR>--------------------------------------<BR>Jim Slattery - <A=20
href=3D"mailto:[log in to unmask]">[log in to unmask]</A><BR>Central West PD =
Web<BR><A=20
href=3D"http://www.bec.net.au/~cwpdg/">http://www.bec.net.au/~cwpdg/</A><=
BR>--------------------------------------<BR> </DIV>
<DIV> </DIV></BODY></HTML>
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