 |
 |
hi lisa you wrote: >Hello out there. >I have been off line for a while >and just now am beginning to feel like I can say hi to you all. good to hear from you, lisa i was wondering how you were doing as my [formerly] co-sibling in the solitary splendour of paradisical islands [huh?] [by the way for whatever it's worth i don't miss island life at all 17 years was enough 6 months of air conditioning vs 6 months of furnace heating what's the difference? paradise is where you make it, not a place to go] >As I near my 40th birthday next Sunday, >I am confronted with allot of new emotions, >one of them being related to the progression >of my disease. having to face the music, so to speak the milepost of 40 looms large for women in our society but i attempt to pay no heed to that negative thinking when i look back at how much i learned from life between 20 and 30 [a little] and between 30 and 40 [a little bit more] and then between 40 and 50 [whew! the dam burst!] you couldn't pay me enough money to turn the clock back now! as each milepost approaches i now find myself looking forward to being even smarter and wiser than i am now [!] >I have spent so much energy >trying to be so strong and covering up my >symptoms ( I am very self conscious ) in other words, you might have been 'in denial' all this time but now that your symptoms are in public view pd has to [is demanding to] 'come out of the closet' since i felt so isolated in bermuda i made a point of telling everyone i spent any amount of time with sales clerks, contractors, colleagues, taxi drivers, you name it that i had pd, whether or not my symptoms were showing without fail the conversation took a very positive turn they were generally always curious about pd and i would tell them anything they wanted to know one motive was to 'get it out into the open' and another one was to 'find some other parkies - they've gotta be here somewhere' a pleasant side effect was that i had an opportunity to wax enthusiastic about the internet >I have gotten to the point of not being able >to cover up the shaking and jerking and >stiffness... it sucks! if you're spending all your energy trying to hide it yes of course it sucks because you've set yourself an impossible task why? embarassment? why? admitting to a 'disability'? why is that upsetting? admitting you are not in perfect health? who is? admitting you are a human being with human failings? having the strength to recognise that and admit it takes a lot of courage but only if you are still trying to hang on to the evil myth of perfectionism >Especially now that >I have recently entered the dating game. >It really sucks >when trying to make a good impression with a prospective beau. >The nervousness brings out the shaking etc.. >and it is impossible to hide(especially when >you cant eve hold a glass of water without >spilling it or cant seem to get change back >into my wallet or any number of normal things. aha! you are not 'normal' none of us are 'normal' 'normal' = 'average' = a meaningless statistic like snowflakes [!] we are unique as individuals each one of us is a custom design with qualities talents weaknesses that no one else can duplicate >This happened the other day when I ran into >my latest crush and was so nervous I was >shaking and jerking around, I don't know >what he was thinking, I saw him looking at me >and observing.. just for fun imagine the same situation but with your identities flipped 180 degrees what would you be thinking if you observed a new friend tremoring? what would you think if that friend told you frankly that he had pd? >I once had a boss who asked me >if I had a drinking problem (the shakes). your boss sounds like a goofball who could use some lessons in tact his thinking such things is no reflection on you it's a reflection of his negative assumptions you did not 'cause' his thoughts he did it took me a long time to soak up this concept from rose lane i am not responsible for the way people treat me i am only responsible for the way i treat them >who knows what goes through peoples minds when they observe us, >and what do you say when they ask? >This usually happens to me in a very social setting and what do I say? >Just blurt out " I have pd" ? boy that really catches them off guard. yes if they get the impression from you that you feel like you're admitting to a sin or a crime or a failing they would be aware of your discomfort on some level or other and probably feel even more uncomfortable themselves the truth will set you free there is no shame in admitting to an illness or a 'condition' some time ago i posted a message about dealing with psycho-social aspects of pd which described two teachers who handled their pd in public in diametrically opposite ways with dramatically different results let me know if you'd like to see it - i could do a search for it in the archives on the web >Anyways, I am having sleeping problems , >this week avg. 3-4 hours a nite >and it really accenuates my symptoms, >I'm not really tired but my body is, I guess. if this has been going on for any length of time you could be getting into sleep deprivation trouble which is not to be taken lightly >I want to say that I really love you all me too >and thank god this list exists. me too >As I sit here typing with my hand and leg shaking(left side) >My muscles fighting to have control over the shaking, no point in fighting that which you cannot control save your energy for more exciting things [!] >I am so grateful that this list exists. >It is my only source for support, living >on a small island in the Caribbean (ST JOHN, US VIRGIN ISLANDS) >No neuros, no support groups no info. >This list is IT! thank you so much for being there. >with love >LISA IN PARADISE [log in to unmask] thank you for opening up to us, lisa i know that takes courage you've 'made' me do some more mulling and writing so in a way your message has 'caused' this reply hah! your sybyr-sys-yn-syllynyss janet janet paterson 51-10 / sinemet-selegiline-prozac almonte-ontario-canada / [log in to unmask]