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Hope this isn't offensive to anyone. A very proper German lady told it to me and I thought it was really funny. George seemed a bit cranky tonight and perhaps a <chuckle> might help. Mary +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A man went into a bar, sat down and began pushing on his hand as if he were dialing a phone. The bartender watched as the man held his hand up to his mouth and began talking into his hand as if it were a telephone. "Look, Buddy", said the bartender," You'll have to leave. This is a rough neighborhood. Lots of tough characters hang out here and you're going to get beaten up if you sit here and talk into your hand, pretending it's a phone." "You don't understand", said the man, "This really IS a phone. I was always misplacing my cell phone, so I talked my doctor into operating on me and implanting it under the skin of my hand." "You're nuts,"said the bartender, " you can't have a cell phone implanted in your hand." "What's your phone number", said the man, "and I'll prove this is a phone." The bartender gave him his phone number. The man pushed at his hand seven times and held it up to the bartender's ear. The bartender heard the sound of ringing and after the second ring, he heard his wife say, "hello". "Well that's the doggonest thing I've ever seen," said the bartender, " I guess you're not crazy after all." The man then excused himself to use the restroom. "Be careful in there. Sometimes people get attacked in the restroom," said the bartender. The man went into the restroom and locked the door. Ten minutes passed, then twenty and thirty but the man still didn't come out. Finally the bartender, feeling very anxious, went over to the restroom, broke down the door and rushed inside. He was horrified to see the man lying spread eagle on the floor. His pants were down around his ankles and there was a roll of toilet paper crammed up his butt. "My God", said the bartender, "you,ve been attacked! What did they do to you?" "I haven't been attacked", said the man, "I'm just waiting for a FAX." +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++